13. I am wondering if there is some way we can get people to understand addiction and therefore find better ways to treat it? . . . . Jerilyn

13. I think a good start for coming to understand not only the disease of addiction but anything that seems "outside" the box of comfortable subject matter necessitates an open-minded approach (and I truly applaud the open-mindedness of this particular group). Research is really my forte when it comes to writing. My publications have resulted mostly from my college research projects. I feel absolutely impassioned when it comes to learning new things, pulling together facts, making connections, etc.

I had a professor who once assigned a task that really helped change the way I look at things. He asked each of us in the class to write on a note card something (anything) that was considered a "hot" or controversial topic, one we felt a very strongly about and whether our personal stand was "pro" or "con." He collected the cards, and then during the next class he assigned us an essay concerning the topic we'd written down on our card. The catch was that we had to write a persuasive argument for the other side! It was one of the most difficult but also one of the most enlightening writing experiences I've ever had, and by the time I finished researching and writing, I wasn't nearly so sure of my own convictions.

So just keep doing what all of you are doing. A good start comes through paying attention to the shared life experiences of those who have lived it rather than theorized it, whatever "it" may be. Then ask questions, look up facts, make connections, and try not to simply assume because it's easier or maybe just more comfortable to do so.

14. . . . . an impression among the general public that prison guards tend to be 'bottom of the barrel' in law enforcement. More brutal, more judgmental, harsher, less qualified, less educated. Is this an unfair assessment, based on Hollywood misrepresentations, or would you say it is accurate?

14. Like in any other area of business, there are some really good people and then there are some not so great people working as prison guards. According to my own experience, I believe better than 50% of the officers I encountered probably would have been better off in some other line of work. But then it's not really their faults that they are expected to deal with hundreds of emotionally unbalanced individuals in their work place, and do so with virtually no educational requirements in criminal justice, psychology, interpersonal communication, etc. I'm not talking about 2 or 3 hour workshops which are required and that I seriously doubt properly prepare any of them them to deal with many of the situations that are encountered on the job. I believe more educational requirements should be included, at least as a pre-requisite for various promotions -- ahhh, but then we'd have to pay them more, wouldn't we?

15. Was there ever a time that anyone tried to help you with your spirituality as you were learning how to make wiser choices in life and to take responsibility for your own lives? . . . . . Andrea

15. To me there's a huge difference between religion and spirituality. I grew up in a structured religion. Unfortunately, the God I understood that I had for the first 36 years of my life was one that primarily punished. I'm sure somewhere along the way I heard a few things about God's love, but I sure heard a lot more about God's punishing nature.

When I got into recovery, I hadn't gone to church in years. As a matter of fact, I made a conscious decision, when I was still in grade school, that I wasn't going to go to confession anymore, mostly because I convinced myself that if I didn't tell, then maybe I wouldn't get punished. I thought about this stuff a lot when I was a kid, and because I had some awful things happening to me, what was I to think (through the mind of the child I was), other than I must have been a really bad kid to deserve the things that were happening to me. I mean imagine what it feels like to be a kid and to believe that you are being abused maybe for lying or that you are tortured by recurring nightmares for taking a dime out of your mother's wallet or other really normal childlike behaviors.

But then when I got into recovery, I had the opportunity to reform my concept of a Higher Power - to sort of create my very own God. Amazingly, the God of my new understanding looked just like the old God, but the new one loved everything about me, my good stuff, my not so good stuff, who I was and who I hoped someday to be. Today I know that I did not create this God in my mind; this is the One who's been there all along, and He loves sinners just as much as He loves anybody else, and over time He's taught me how to love that way too!

16. I am wondering what the hole is like now? . . . . Ginger

16. Ginger, I'm sorry, I don't know what "the hole" in a prison is like these days. I was far to terrified to misbehave in any way while I was incarcerated. I do know that even the "baddest of the bad" (in their own minds they were, anyhow) behaved quite a bit better for a few minutes after being released from isolation.

17. Did you think of Judy Garland when watching The Wizard of Oz? Did you compare her life to yours? . . . . Hats

17. is a repeat of an earlier question.

18. Wouldn't we all like to know how they train guards in prison? What behaviors are they taught and who supervises these guards? . . . . Ella

18. I think maybe I answered this one, concerning the training of prison guards, along w/my answer to #14.

19-22: These are all repeats of earlier questions.

23. Nancy, is there a particular book (or books) about the writer's craft that you would recommend? Is there a text that was used in the classes at the prison?. . . .Zinnia

23. I got a little lost in this very lengthy reply :0)

Because English was initially my college major, I've done lots and lots of studying "how to write" books for classes. I've always leaned more toward an autodidactic approach concerning my own writing, though, a self-taught method of learning. I'd lose myself in American literature, rather than the writing textbooks and I'd then make my own comparisons, observations, etc.

One famous writer that really captivated me early on in my studies was Samuel Clemons, otherwise known as Mark Twain. In the beginning, my assignments of Mark Twain's works were his best-know, more classical stories, like Huckleberry Finn. But as time went on, in subsequent classes, I began studying some of his less famous stories, like a short piece titled, "The War Prayer," which did not actually become published until after he died. The story concerns a group of individuals who are sending loved ones off to war and who are in church praying for successful efforts and the demise of their opponents. A Godlike presence (presented through a beautiful example of personification) challenges their thoughts and prayers but in the end is dismissed as nothing more than a "crazed lunatic." This particular essay continues to provoke intense feelings in me each time I read it; as a matter of fact, I'm thinking about re-writing (updating) a comparison/contrast essay I wrote a while back, in which I compared elements of Twain's essay to our more modern day issues.

Through studying closely this one author, I began recognizing changes in his style during different periods of his life. He began his writing career as both a humorist and a realist. Twain was a master of integrating current events and both American and world politics into his fictional works, but he did so with such wit and usually while maintaining a great element of humor too. Later on, the tone of his writing became much more serious and sometimes even cynical in nature. As his life progressed, his sense of humor waned significantly (and sadly, so did his popularity).

But these were Twain's writings that intrigued me the most. In the final years of his life when he was, for all practical purposes, a broken and bitter man, Twain eventually hit "the speaker circuit," mostly because he was in serious need of earning some money.

During this particular time, Twain began recording the autobiographical details of his life through keeping a personal journal, one in which he wrote his everyday thoughts concerning various issues and experiences, both past and present. I found the results of this writing terrifically moving.

He wrote mostly about his love for his family, but he also reflected over his innermost thoughts and feelings about the world he lived in. He wrote about the death of his wife, his sadness over one of his daughters moving to Europe, his deep regrets from the past, and finally about the Christmas Eve sudden death of another daughter. After chronicling a heart-wrenching account of the two days that followed his daughter's death, he proclaimed that his writing was finished. Twain died four months later without ever writing again.

This is one (very lengthy) example of how I learned to write. Take this process and apply it to dozens of other authors and their writings, and you have a pretty good idea of how I've best learned most of what I know about writing.

24. Did you ever have counseling or therapy? Your parents never suspected that something of this nature could have happened when you were a child? . . . .Ella

24.The answer to this one is a resounding yes to the therapy, but all of it was after I'd already gotten into recovery. I started regular sessions with a therapist when I began understanding in earnest that I had to do something about the abuse in my marriage. In all honesty, though, I went into therapy believing that I could learn how to change him and that we would be able to somehow work things out, especially if I could get him to go to the therapist with me. I went in an effort to save the relationship, and in some ways, I believed much of what I was being told concerning everything that had gone wrong in the relationship being mostly my fault.

My ex-husband did eventually join me in therapy sessions, but the sessions just seemed to make him feel angrier and more defensive, which provoked more seriously abusive behaviors. I'm sure when I went back to school and began seeking therapeutic intervention he felt extremely threatened, but I was still so sick, I just couldn't understand why the harder I tried and the better I made myself, the more he seem to dislike me and ultimately the meaner he got.

I had to take a part-time job (on the sly) to pay for my therapy sessions, which cost $60.00 per hour, because I had no health insurance and did not qualify for any "sliding scale" social services, due to our income - the income I had no access to. But it ended up becoming a most valuable investment, and ended up I continuing with the same therapist for about 6 years.

The last time I went to see her was for joint sessions with my current husband, PRIOR to marrying. I wasn't taking any chances this time around! After only 2 visits, the therapist told us she thought we were throwing away our money, and she offered her support and blessings over our upcoming wedding. The week after our wedding, my new father-in-law died in a drowning accident, so we did end up sticking with the therapist a little longer, but it's been about four years now since I've been back there.

We (the therapist and I) do, however, stay in touch from time to time, and she called me not too long ago, after I sent her a copy of CKITM. She told me that she used to worry so much about me and that my ex-husband was the angriest man she'd ever encountered in all her years of being a therapist. She then told me that watching me grow and change over time has helped her to re-affirm her own self-worth and sense of purpose in life.

Over the years, this woman treated me with such kindness. She'd sometimes slide me free sessions when I'd call to cancel because I had no money to pay her; she'd spend hours on the phone with me, often when she was not even in her office, and she provided me with valuable resources for less expensive self-help therapeutic alternatives. She loaned me books, and once she even insisted on giving me some money. She is definitely the kind of person that I'm talking about when I speak of the benefits I've reaped as the result of unconditional and non-judgmental kindness and love. She never once told me I did anything wrong; she simply guided me and supported me as I navigated my way through learning how to do things differently.

As for my parents and not grasping that something was seriously wrong with me, well, denial is a powerful coping mechanism that creates a perfectly fitting piece into the "puzzle" of family dysfuntion.

Responses to Questions 1 - 12!

Responses to Questions 25 - 38

Responses to Questions 39 - 44!

© SeniorLearn. All rights reserved.
Contact: webmaster@seniorlearn.org