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What do you think about her description of many of today's teachers? Have you heard this downer before? That they are just serving out their time to get early retirement and a big pension and great benefits??Oh yeah, right. :'( NOT!
As we are introduced to Claire's family, what is your reaction to her parents?
And who says you can't still have dreams right up until your last breath?Maryann,
Controlling husbands/BFs were expected; my friends disappeared from my life and his family/friends/colleagues took over all my social life. He told me about his Navy time, cleaning a bathroom with a toothbrush, makes someone obsessive with neatness. Putting the needs of everyone else ahead of my own, beginning with parents who were full of blame, resulted in my assumption that my expectations were unreasonable and disaster was always my fault. Claire's career in teaching gave her more backbone than I had but she seems too eager to slip into the dependence mode her fiance demands to be comfortable for me. Fannie is my favorite, too.
I can relate to Fanny even though you have not modernized her character to fit into today's world so to speak.
I disagree with that , I think that our 77 year old Fanny is perfect for this story. She is not meant to be modern. She is the matriarch of this four generational story. I get that, for sure after just spending 5 weeks as the grand matriarch.
I don't think Amy was thinking about not being able to provide for the baby. She was thinking about herself and running away (again) from life when it got tough.
It seems unanimous that he's selfish and a bit inconsiderate, but that isn't so unusual for a man in his forties who's never married or had kids, and whose sole focus is himself.
Rick promises a life that is like an endless vacation and Claire wants, needs a rest.
As for Fanny, she is full of pride, and that is what holds her back communicating the most important things to her husband....She just wants to stay in her own home.
But is love clouding their “we can do this” thinking? Fanny, who is already dependent in large measure on Claire, with a husband who has a disease that only gets progressively worse, who isn’t sure whether she will need more hip surgery or not.
Claire could in no way leave her family to be so far in distance with all that is happening.
Amy is angry, yes. Adult children who've been pretty much abandoned by father's often exhibit anger, and it's often directed at the wrong person. I saw this personally with friends and relatives who lived with this. I also confirmed it with research.
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And yes, at times this was a tough book to write, as I am in the thick of this sandwich generation thing, and was afraid of making it too real. But I didn't want to gloss over a very serious situation so many people are living through.
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...."Bellamarie, DO family secrets always come out? I wonder. IS there anybody anywhere without one secret? Again I wonder."Well, as difficult as it may seem, I don't have any secrets I keep from my husband. I am and always have been an open book so to say. I get disappointed plenty expecting others to be the same. But I have learned in life everyone is different. So now that you have asked, maybe all family secrets don't come out, maybe that's a cliche. I know when my grandmother died and we had distant family members visit I overheard my mother say to her cousin something to the effect he needs to keep his mouth shut because she did not want her kids to know some things that were in the past. I never asked her even though I was a married adult at the time because I felt too embarrassed I overheard them arguing. I did realize after my mother passed away that my older sisters knew far more than I ever did about alot of things. I always figured like the saying goes, "What you don't know, can't hurt you." Hmmm...is that true?
Mabel (Jean): I'm not surprised at Fanny having lunch w/ Dominc, she needs a little personal approval and admiration. I don't like that she's hanging on to this inferiority feeling that Joe had a great love BEFORE they were married. That kind of jealousy can ruin a relationship, altho she seems to have kept it in check and has only hurt herself all these yrs worrying about some other love of Joe's.
I can understand Claire panicing about a job. If this is "present day" teacher jobs are not as easy to come by as they used to be. Photography? Seems a little iffy too, but it's a good chance to check it out. If i were in her shoes, i'd be scared.
When my husband and I were in marriage counseling, I went part of the time by myself. The counselor told me that men don't change to make a marriage work, that women do. It was a MALE counselor
Rick - I don't think there ever was a "we" in his mind. There was HIM with the orbiting satellite of Claire.
I know when my grandmother died and we had distant family members visit I overheard my mother say to her cousin something to the effect he needs to keep his mouth shut because she did not want her kids to know some things that were in the past.
I feel Claire and Fannie should be talking to each other regardless of their loyalty and sworn to confidentiality. . . …. . . . Claire just seems so out of the loop of her family. Not to have even as so much as fed baby Rose since they got to the Cape shows how she has pretty much brought them all there so she would not feel guilty leaving them behind, yet she has delved into the photography class and left them all to fend for themselves. .. .. .. Where is her happy medium in life, her balance?
I don't fault Claire for taking the time to do what she needs to do in order to get the most out of this class. Let's face it, she gave it up once, and almost did again, and the fact that she's stepped back has actually fostered some of these changes. When she's there, she's taking care of everyone and making things easier, but not there, Fanny and Amy have bonded again, and they both have room to explore and grow.
.."I am not confused about Fanny's feelings about her interest in Dominick. After all, she has stayed faithful to Joe forever (50 years, maybe?) and carried the huge stone of jealousy over and around for their their whole married life. And suddenly, another man seems interested in her, at the age of 77! What a nice surprise! With Joe seeming such a cold fish here, another man's interest has certainly warmed her up. What will she do in the end?"Oh dear with ALL due respect I can not disagree with you more. She has played as much a part in the silence as Joe has throughout this marriage. Joe has also been faithful to her. We don't get a pass to go off and flirt and look for more affection and excitement no matter what age we are or how much time we have left in life when we are married. A couple who takes the vows when they get married are committing to being faithful! What Fanny is doing is wrong NO matter what her reasons are. Now that I got that out, I will say I have No real likeness for Joe. He owed it to Ava and to Fanny to do the right thing back years ago and acknowledge his part in the relationship. Claire has been an enabler to her father's secrets hurting her mother and I am very disappointed in her behavior. Fanny is angry and jealous which is causing her to go outside her marriage to look for more. Shame on her...she should be as willing to fix her marriage as she is willing to help Claire and Amy find and have happiness. In my own personal opinion Fanny has brought her anger and jealousy on herself. She has known this secret for all these years and stewed about it and done nothing. Now she continues to remain silent knowing Claire is helping her father and lieing straight to her face about where she takes her father. Lies, lies and more lies between all three of them. Sorry but they have lost my respect.
The quote (paraphrased) was "There were days when the best thing I could say about my husband was 'he married well'".
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