Frybabe, you have brought up an interesting point, and one I have had cause to wonder about repeatedly over the years. I am not at all tutored in the law, other than my years of Perry Mason fan following on the old black & white tellys and my avid reading of detective novels. In other words, I have no knowledge whatsoever. But EXPERIENCE tells me there is no oversight provided in our system of laws to see to it that the wishes of any given deceased are carried out. As far as I have been able to discern, folk can ignore the heartfelt desires that are supposed by all to be sacrosanct in favor of doing precisely what best suits them. Case in point, my favorite uncle's widow died and left her house to a nephew on her side of the family, but her will also included a fairly longish and very detailed list of what among her possessions was to go to whom. And she was a dear and conscientious lady and was very careful to carry out the wishes of the husband (who was my blood) she adored as to which of HIS family things were to go to which of his nieces (3) and nephew (1). They never had any children of their own, you see, but there were pieces of furniture and bricabrac that had been in our family forever, and it was told out loud repeatedly over the years, and also on lists we were given in writing, who was to be heir to what. One of my female cousins was particularly looking forward to a much cherished old family desk, and she held the middle name that was the surname of the ancestor who had originally owned it. I was happily anticipating a few items I had coveted, but particularly wanted some of the framed family portraits and photographs of my blood kin. Well, that nephew (her kin) never gave out a thing. Not an iota! He had the will probated, and just took over. After many months passed, I tried and tried to contact him. He would never write or phone me back. Finally, I drove 65 miles to knock on his door and ask. He evaded me like mad. I finally begged for just the pictures. He said he had taken them all down and put them in boxes in the basement, and could not get to them at the moment. I went back and back, and finally, in an obvious effort to be rid of me, they had them by the door when I went up at a time I wrote them I would be there (he was married with children.). Two large mildewed and falling apart cardboard cartons of lovely pictures. They had sold the portraits! Half of the pictures were ruined with black mold, as they had put the boxes in the dirt cellar, for crying out loud! I saved what I could, sobbing as I did so, and sent them off to family members I thought would most cherish them. Never a single family antique came back into our family stream; nary a one. And it did not seem to bother Aunt Mary's nephew one tiny eensy bit! Go figure! Somehow, I felt I had let the family down, but honestly, it was not my doing and I did all I could. I assume we could have fought it in court, but with the other 2 nieces in New York State and my brother in Oklahoma and me the only one left in Virginia where they were, it would have been a difficulty beyond our physical and financial abilities. And that, in itself, is a crying shame. Bottom line, in order for the RIGHT thing to happen, the expense can be too great; and those who prey upon others KNOW this!
I could give a number of other cases, but do not wish to bore you; but one daughter in law literally lost her mind, i.e. went into a deep depression she has never fully recovered from, when her father died and she tried to make arrangements with her only sister, who lived in the same town they had grown up in in a different state, to have the furnishings she had inherited sent to her, plus some personal items of her mother's that had been divided between the two of them. Well, Jane never got a thing, either! The sister maintained she had had it all taken to HER home, and possession is nine tenths of the law, or whatever. None of us could believe it was happening, but again, Jane could not afford to fight it in the courts of any state, let alone a different one from the one she was living in. To this day she will break into tears at the memory of having nothing that had been her mother's.
Life is not Fair, and that is flat out that!
