I want to extend an invitation to all of you to join with me starting July 15, when we will examine the book by Stephen Levine, "A Year to Live". It is a book that asks the question, "If this was my last year of life, how would I live it?". In its 39 short chapters, it touches on many subjects that I hope we will have the willingness to talk about.

The subject interests me, because I was told two and half years ago, that I had terminal cancer. For one very long week, I was petrified. Then it was determined they were wrong and it was benign. For that one week, I cannot tell you the fear that came over me. I was not expecting it and I was completely unprepared mentally. My story turned out to have a happy ending, but my ignorance of dying and its acceptance was incredible. When they changed my prognosis, I felt like I was given a new life, but my time will come someday for real, and if I can face it without the fear I felt then, it will be a blessing for my family and friends.

So now, you know why I am interested in this book. Perhaps you will be too. Please join me and maybe we can learn some lessons together in this undertaking.

Oh yes Jim, am I glad I found this discussion. I watched many a vidio with Stephen Levine on meditation, death and dying etc all about 8 to 9 years ago and I saw this book the last time I was browzing in Borders.

Not many weeks ago I realized I am still not living my life to express 'me' and I need to make changes to acomplish that. If I do not make these changes soon my life will have passd me by as I stayed true to duty and 'wanting' - wanting or being needy for my version of family.

That and I still haven't settled legally my affairs thinking they should not be in such a mess and untill they are cleaned I've procrastinated legal organization.

Not much peace making among friends or family needs to done. I seem to take care of that but, do not keep peace with myself.

Yes, with Steven Levine I would expect an introspective journey not just a practical journey through 30 some chapter. Yes Jim, this will be a good journey that I really would like to join.

Jim: Hearing that you have terminal cancer put you into the group who KNEW when they were to die, while the rest of us, still under sentence of death, do not know when. Fortunately you have had a "reprieve". But your life must be very different now from what it might have been otherwise. My beloved aunt went through a long, slow battle with age, and lost it this spring. No melodrama, but simply a creeping diminution of the quality of her life, losing first mobility, and with that a major part of her control over herself, no longer free to live where and how she wanted. It's like earthquake preparedness, I guess. We have to set up a "survival kit" for death.

These views are personal and in no way are they intended to discourage any discussion of this book or any other book or topic that Senior Netters choose to discuss.

I question whether or not Books & Lit is the proper forum for this book..Personally,I'd rather see it in Health, or Life Styles, or Religion or Spirituality.

I have a very deep-seated dislike of so called "experts" who dabble in pop-psychology, self-help nostrums,and "inspirational" hubris....I feel that the only inspiration that drives them is the inspiration to make money from book sales...sort of a "follow my way" Ponzi scheme.

For me, Mr Levine is hand-in-hand with that other psychobabbler, Kubler-Ross,who thinks they know more about dying than anyone else.

My feeling is that the subject of the book is mawkish & maudlin and plays the "what-if" game.

Why limit to one year? What if you only had one day,or one minute,or one second to live??? The dying part is easy..living is another matter and infinitely more difficult than dying.

The "what-if" game is unhealthy...better to concentrate on enjoying every day to the best of our abilities.

In the discussion of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man,Joan Pearson made a very cogent observation about the personal epiphanies that happen in all of our lives,and that observation led me to think about personal insights and epiphanies that have led me to alter my own thoughts about life and death and not to dwell on "what if..."

You never know when these "epiphanies" will happen. I recall,vividly,reading A Mass for the Dead by William Gibson (author of the Miracle Worker) where he is writing a section about a birthday party for his father & he writes that his father did not know that more than half of his life was already over.....I was thunderstruck by reading this and it really had a profound impact on the way that I viewed my own life.

There is a poem by Mary Oliver ( A Pulitzer Prize Winner for Poetry)that says it better than I ever could.

When Death Comes

When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn; when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me,and snaps the purse shut; when death comes like the measles-pox;

when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity,wondering; what it is going to be like,that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and i consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending,as all music does,toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage,and something precious to the earth.

When it's over,I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom,taking the world into my arms.

When it's over,I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular,and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Respectfully submitted

Ed

Ed, I am so glad you posted. I agree with most of what you say. I feel the same about “how to books”, that tell you how to make a million in the stock market, or how to win big in Vegas, but the authors have probably done neither. I also agree with you that our conversations to come may indeed become mawkish at times. Having said that, there is always the chance, the hope that what someone says may be an epiphany to one of our panelist, which would allow us to gain insight and help us to enjoy each day that we have left. Your post is an example of what good might come from a discussion of the subject. The poem by Mary Oliver is right on target.

Our intent is certainly not to sell books for Author Levine, but to use it as a basis for us to discuss subjects that may interest us.

I hope I do not sound contentious, because I do not mean to be. I think you are much too bright to tangle with and that certainly is not my intention. I do agree with you, but from another viewpoint think it can be useful. If not useful at least interesting, I hope.

Gee whiz, Ed. If we don't have another post, yours and Jim's can stand as the raison d'etre of the entire discussion, a successful endeavour.

That thing gave me chills. Beautiful! Profound!

Ginny

And Ed, I say, thank you for the poetry quote.

You have excellent points. I in very much in favor of people talking of death, dieing, etc. and while it will get maudlin it will get people thinking about the topic, talking about....and perhaps setting some things in order that all of us need to do.....and then we can go on dancing.

Ed:

I read very carefully all that you wrote and I have decided I am going to "give it a try." Maybe I will quickly leave this forum saying it is not for me. Then again it may be a big turning point in my life. How do I know whether or not I like olives if I never taste them.

I'm 78 years old. Maybe I'll leave this earthly home tomorrow; then again, my aunt recently died just one month under 100. I'll be around here in this forum and elsewhere - for a while, anyway.

Robby

Robert, we are going to hold you to that now that you will be around a long-time. Sure glad you are going to give the book a try. I have decided I will also if I can get the book from the library.

Larry

Well I bought my book tonight at Borders - the last copy in the store, wow! And none left across the road at B&N - this is a slim sized book but, familiar with Levine I just know it is packed and will do it's job roter-rooting my protective procrastination and unclear thoughts.

OK Jim, how are we going to do this? We are in the womb for 39 weeks are we to slide into acceptance of death for 39 weeks? That puts us NOT finishing this book till next April - Personally I really would like to finish poking and preparing to make my changes at least before the winter holidays. I imagine the actual read is quick and easy, it is what the read unfolds that will be the dream catcher.

I have been reading my copy. Interesting. Surely we won't take 39 weeks. Nah! Sage

What if I don't live for 39 weeks?

Robby

I have read most of the book, and some chapters twice. I agree with most, I do not want to spend 39 weeks contemplating death. However clinically we may address the subject, it is still a downer. But there are chapters that we can use as a springboard to conversation and have a clearer mind on some subjects as a result.

Mr. Levine is a Buddist and a large portion of the book is his philosophy to dying and living using meditation. Well, I suppose I meditate some, as do most of us, but not to the extent of going into Zen and such. But I think one question posed that would be interesting to start with is the proposition that if I had one year to live, what would you change in your life. Some said they would change their job, their spouse, would persue dreams or change their lifestyle. What would you do?

Robby, I can't imagine the Books without you, so you BETTER!!

GREAT opening question, JIM!! SURELY nobody would change their spouse, or would they??

Ginny

Ginny:

Well, we started talking about this July 4, so I only have 11 and 2/3 months left.

Robby

Robby, depends, doesn't it, on your definition of "year?" hahahahahaah OR "is" hahahahahah

Ok OK, I'll stop! Jeepers, I sure hope somebody is not at the point where changing a spouse would improve their life.

Ginny

I know, I know, tomorrow - but, but, but, like the rest of you I have started to read and two sentences have hit me over the head. I'm sure I have taken them out of context. Regardless they were sentences that made the idea of death a reality rather than reading this as a lark to passively explore what 'might be'.

p10 "...If you don't break your ropes while you are alive/ do you think ghosts will do it for you afterwards?.../What is found now is found then."...To complete my birth before it's over. To investigate that part of myself that refuses to take birth fully...

All I could think of was - Oh no, to be like I am now for eternity! To continue to do with eternal time what I do now! To never be able to accomplish more than what I have If I became a ghost or that ghosts could not break ropes that I have not broken. I believe Levin is talking about salvation but I am refering to so much else. So many habits I wanted to break and others that would be in keeping with the picture I prefer for myself - so many things I want to see and do, photos that I want to sort and stories my grandchildren need to read about their family - so much to clear away that no longer serves my life.

Then on p11 a funeral procession in India is explained - I could feel myself being turned toward the grave and away from my home and life. I paniced. Then I questioned my panic. I realized how helpless I felt with no power to stop the funeral procession, no power to stop so I could arrange my life. It was like breathing ether, knowing if you counted, the numbers would echo over and over with no control to stop because for every new word you thought, that word echoes over and over. You had to not think at all and just go with the flow.

It all stopped when I realized the only thing I could do was accept the inevitable and choose how I was going to be. My power was to choose to smile and accept the journey or, go 'kicking and screaming into thy good night' or, frieghtened and tearful hang on to every thread of this world. I realized I could also be conserned for those who will be upset that do not take the journay at this time. Oh yes, I am a caretaker.

I have a bulletin board in my back hall filled with various papers and cards with quotes found over the years. This one is so appropiate for living this next year.

Beginners shouldn't hold two arrows, because counting on the second arrow results in carelessness with the first.
Each time, determine that you will settle the matter with this one arrow, without worry about whether or not you will succeed.
When people practice they think they will have another chance so they are not aware of the slackness in their mind.
Work in the immediacy.

One of the strengths of the AA program which has restored hundreds of thousands to sobriety is the admonition to "live in the here and now - one day at a time."

Robby

For any of us who have been brought up short with the proposition that I will die and get a little panicky and feel we are not ready or I would prefer to let that take care of itself in it's own good time, there is a sentence I love on page 16 that states so poetically, and I quote, "As I have often noted, those who insist they've got their "shit together" are usually standing in it at the time." The most I hope for is that when my time comes, in twenty or thirty years, I will be able to handle it gracefully and with some dignity.

One important thing we should learn as our life progresses is our state of mind, or our attitude, when we bump into crisis or just day to day relationships. Attitude, or state of mind dictates how we live our lives. Author Levine touches on this in chapter eight. He states, "Our life is composed of events and states of mind. How we appraise out life from our deathbed will be predicated not only on what came to us in life but how we lived with it. It will not be simply illness or health, riches or poverty, good luck or bad, good life or not, but the quality of our relationship to these situations: the attitudes of our states of mind." I found in my earlier life that my attitude stank. I became cynical and blamed other people for my shortcomings, it was easier than blaming myself. But about seven years before I retired, I changed my attitudes because dull-witted as I am, I finally understood that the only person miserable with my attitudes was myself. I thought I had discovered electricity, I was so proud of myself, but that's all it took to help make my path since much more pleasant. If Levine can show me only a glimpse of how to make my someday death, a normal part of living, easier to handle with proper attitude it will have been worth the price of the book.

If I had only one year left to live and was granted sufficient health, I would continue to do exactly what I do now. I am a Clinical Psychologist who treats patients in the rural community in which I live. I receive great satisfaction from this. I have not become inordinately wealthy. Many patients can hardly pay me at all and I have never turned anyone away. If this year is to be the final chapter of my life, so be it. Knowing that I am certainly imperfect, I nevertheless feel comfortable with myself.

Robby

Robby I agree with you. I wouldn't change much in my life. I had breast cancer and a successful surgery. It has been three years and my life has changed for the better. I think in a different way. I like people now and before I trusted no one. I reach out and laugh and take a risk.

In the book I thought about the rope that needed to be broken...and wondered about the symbolism. Rope...can be used to kill someone,(hanging) to hold or bridal, to capture, etc. I felt maybe it was to let go of this life. I would not want to die now. I'm so very contented and in a state of grace that it would be hard to let go.

I don't fear death, I fear the pain of death. And yet I have survived many instances of pain and come through. The fear of pain has someting to do with my reaction to pain. I had shingles one time and could not bear the pain. I found I could put myself in a state of no awareness of the pain, even though it was still there and I knew it was there. If I did not acknowledge the pain then it didn't exist. But, I couldn't keep it up very long.

It is silly but I also want to know the reaction to my death. Not the sorrow that people feel, but the love they had for me. I don't want to be remembered for my pot roast. I want to be remembered as a real person, a character, a fun person and a wise person. That means I have to be that before I go. I think I'm doing it! A person once told me I got to be the kind of person when I was old, that I wanted to be. That I could choose. So with that in mind I chose to be happy, fun, wise, creative and able to be human, and a fool. It works for me.

Sage

Sage:

That's the irony of it. We'll never know what people thought of us.

Robby

I have had two heart surgeries and before each of these I did some serious thinking about the fact that I might not survive the operating room. Fortunately I did but as I recovered I realized that I had not feared dying because I felt I had my faith. My attitude toward life and living did change, some of which was the result of having to give up my high pressure job following the second heart surgery. I think that while I didn't particularly start doing a lot of things that I hadn't done, and in fact it sort of worked the other way in that I had to slow down a lot, I am able to enjoy each day I live and what I am doing and enjoy being with people. Guess that is what is met by "stopping to smell the roses". I feel that in many ways I started living as if each day could be my last.

Have read a couple of the chapter in this book and have to admit I don't understand all I am reading but as Sage mentioned above know there is a lot of symbolism and perhaps wisdom that can be tilled from the various sayings. Think this will be an interesting book to discuss.

Larry

About 19 years ago, I went into cardiac arrest from an allergic reaction to a drug the doctors were using, trying to help my vertigo... I remember thinking, "Well, this is it... and it really isn't too bad." But when I awoke the next morning, I was really surprised... I had thought before, I couldn't live with the vertigo and deafness, but I've learned to get along with both.. And each day is a celebration of life and a preparation for death.

This book so far reaffirms a lot of my thoughts on dying... I subscribe to the premise of dying broke... If the children need money now, and I have it, they get it.

For me life is what I make it - one day at a time. Cancer taught me to live in the present and the years have taught me patience, kindness and a wry regard for the human condition. If I had a year to live I'd continue to live just as I do now.

Like with everyting one has not done yet, one can only surmise. Intellectually I can approach the thought of death, emotionally I'd rather not go there.

I am in awe of people who suffered a loss of their senses - hearing, seeing, having your balance - taste, smell ....no words can approach this suffering and yet someone said she learned to live with it.

So what does it tell me? That we are so selfish to keep what we regard as ours, but we have the capability to learn to give up? And live ... content?

It looks like experiencing the unthinkable is the only way to appreciate life, everything else falls short of it. Appreciation is not the right word, what I mean is, that you have to lose first before you value even a fraction of the loss you might regain.

What can a book teach me?

Helen:

Very well said!

Robby

Just another perspective; - I enjoyed my garden when it was in full bloom - I enjoyed chatting with my mother when she was alive - I enjoyed my friend when she lived in Austin - I enjoyed the energy I had at 40 - could I have done more to make those joys more fulfilling? - yes - could I do less then grieve the losses? - No - Do I think of those loses when I am in full flush with joy? - No - Am I hanging back and not creating more joy in my life? - Yes.

For me, where I would not listen to somebody telling me or giving me something to think about, so that I will get-on-with-it and daily create more joy, I will listen if it is on paper and I can control how much I want to read and what person is saying it - thus, an author is just one voice in this wilderness that may say something that jogs me to change some behavior.

To change behavior means not just hearing something but understanding it in relation to what I already know and then attempting the new behavior in a safe enviornment before I can really say - Oh, I can do this and yes, I think I will continue to do this or, no, that did not bring me the outcome I hoped. When someone is talking I do not have the luxury of stopping them and musing or, just think about myself and how, what the speaker is saying fits, what I already know. A shared give and take is usually a part of conversation. Where as, when I read I can stop and muse and really explore how that thought fits with what I already know. I do like to learn by reading.

Different strokes for different folks!

My belief is that, if I was so complete and perfect there would be no reason for my life. And if I was so complete and perfect then I should be doing a better job of sharing me and helping other. Therefore, I am always learning what behavior I can tweeck to further my affectivness.

In chapter 9, Levine says, "I am suggesting living a year so profoundly alive that we directly experience the moment-to-moment process that is our lives."

From the moment I found out the doctors diagnoses was wrong and I knew I had dodged the bullet, my whole life has changed. I am happy with each day as if it was a gift.

Does this not sound familiar? Why do we have to come face to face with the reality of death before we can enjoy the gifts we have around us each day?

I leave the answers to those questions to Iadeluca who is much better equipped to give an answer, if there is one. It is the recurrent theme of most of the posts that we became better, or at least happier people after a brush with our mortality.

You know, I thought throughout the day while the TV was going, how those 3 people in the plane lived through the last seconds of their lives. I hoped that they did not have time to think.

I've had a strange reaction to the Kennedy's. It is a tragedy, but in a way they are also blessed. Look at these tragedies,the Kennedys tragedies are quick deaths. No long, painful, lingering deaths for most. IMHO that is a blessing. How say you?

Sage

When I think of the untimely deaths of Joe, John, Bobby and now presumedly John Jr. I am struck by the quick ends and am left with the feeling that they were all works undone. What might have they accomplished?

Our library doesn't have the book. Still, I am coming along.

Barbara....I like so much what you wrote. Especially about the safe place. And a reflection on our society...in a conversation -so often the other person isn't really into give and take and reflecting ; as if it is such hurried thing; is it any wonder we would rather muse from written word It takes times, reflection, and trying some "things" on.

I finished the book. Much talk of fear of death. I found it very interesting the pages about desposing of your own body. At first I thought, "WHAT". Then after reading about making your own arrangements ahead of time, it finally made sense of why a person would do that. It's just good housekeeping. <G> I'm now going to think about my own arrangements and do that. I don't really want to place a burden on my children, I just thought I didn't care what happened to my old body. Now after reading this book, I do care.

Sage

sage-Speaking of disposing of one's body, I have decided to be cremated. I have this illogical fear of being shut up in a box. The idea of having my ashes distributed on the earth at a place that holds some earthly significance to me is a much more pleasant thought. I believe that when I die, my soul will leave my body and it will become an empty container. The thought then of the body becoming one with flowers or a river at the time of my vacating it pleases me. Ashes to ashes will be accomplished either way, cremation is just a little quicker.

Several years ago, I read an article in the paper about the need for bodies for medical schools. My mother and I talked about it, and she donated her body to the Univ. of Illinois in '86. My mother-in-law also donated her body to the Univ. of Iowa in '88. She had one of the very early hip-replacements in the mid-sixties and thought they may want to look at it.

So, with that example, I plan to have my body shipped to Iowa city, IA, too. I don't paricularly like funerals and have always felt that a memorial service is a more dignified, civiled way of one paying respects.

My instructions, in my will, call for a family gathering and party of sorts, with expenses being paid from the estate. At my age I feel there should be a celebration of the good life and death I have enjoyed

Pat, I like your idea. My wife's uncle died several years ago and she attended the funeral. While there was sadness, of course, she said it was a celebration of his wonderful life with lots of laughter, because you couldn't be around him without laughing. That seems like a wonderful way to end life.

My parent recently purchased the headstone for their grave and are having it installed so that my sister and I won't be left with that responsibility. My Mother said that was one of the hardest things she had to do when she lost her Father and there wasn't any reason they couldn't take care of it before hand.

Larry

Having read all the posts, I'm not sure what all of you are getting out of this book other than a chance to discuss the "death" part of life.

We previously read and discussed a book about a dying man - "Tuesdays with Morrie" - which was on the bestseller list for weeks, may still be there. The book is now in our Archives; as I remember the discussion none of us came away with any new insights into the subject. In fact, a few of us commented that the book was written and published to make money for the medical expenses of Morrie; which was fine and we were happpy for him.

It is such an individual thing - this dying. No right or wrong way to do it at all, just as with living.

Loved Sage's reponse (I know her wit and love of fun from the flower gardening discussion): "So with that in mind I chose to be happy, fun, wise, creative and able to be human, and a fool. It works for me."

Right on, Sage!

Ella: I too grew weary quickly talking about dying. Be aware that it will happen and plan for it, I say yes. Talking about it like we really know what we will do when the time comes or training for it like basic training, I don't think so. But if I may, I would like to submit some of the authors epilogue, that I think brings to the fore the important things to think about.

...In the course of resolving unfinished business and tidying up loose ends, my life has opened in subtle and unexpected ways. My sense of time has changed-there seems to be more of the present. A newfound energy has been liberated in the course of the life review as that part of the life force once dedicated to suppressing the mind and numbing the heart has been emancipated. My relationships with friends have deepened and, in some cases, blossomed again. Afflictive emotions, particularly to do with the past, have become considerably less cumbersome. And love is more available and sustainable. It feels as though I have mae peace with my life. With these changes has come a renewed dedication to priorities, which makes the path ahead particularly clear. Ironically, after I have spent a year practicing dying, the quality most noticeably enhanced is a new joy in life. This refreshing lightness of spirit is reinforced by increasingly clear insight, a deeper appreciation, and a broader acceptance of things as they are, which arises within an expanded sense of presence.

finished the book and I have desided to make a plan for a year to LIVE as the title suggests rather then of a year to practice dying.

The floating world, a life that is not organized and controlled as I would like and seeing that everything of pleasure can become an object of pain, opened my eyes to the idea I can hold my pain and rot or seek pleasure knowing it may become more pain. That resistance to creating something new or healing is actually clinging to familiar pain.

The idea of actually setting out to accomplish something each month rather then, taking life at it comes, makes me feel good so that even If I died before the year was over I would be feeling more positive about my building a life rather then life tossing me around. I will take the 12 month calandar and change it up, using some of his ideas but mostly ideas to create pleasure and beauty for myself and others.

Yes, I identified with those that face death without acheiving their dream. And no, I do not now think in a year I could live just to achieve that dream so that I wouldn't have that disappointment but, I can at least become pro-active toward my dream and start observing my pleasures with the idea of creating more pleasures on a monthly bases.

12 years ago I experienced tremendous losses, as if an atom bomb went off in my life. Ever since, I have been alternating understanding and grabbing at percieved safe connections and now, like many that are older then I, I'm finding losses are continueing with friends dying and children having moved away. I float in and out of my childrens lives and have a strong connection with the grandboys. On the eve of their teenage years my grandboy's friends will become more and more important. If I am to be more then a grandmother then it is time to replace the old with the new.

Understanding any pleasure I may build can be a seed for pain actually frees me. Expecting that possibility is freeing, like planting a garden of flowers that die after they bloom rather then, expecting pleasure to be like a protective home that if destroyed by flood or tornado seems devistating.

This my first time in hear and I like what I hear.

I have as some of you lost, father, sister, grandmother and grandfather. Yes there was pain in those looses.My Mother my friend is a different loss to me. A long time ago she wanted to buy a cript and also wanted me to so we did when my sister passed she went into moms cript. Mom had a stroke and I arranged the funeral as was suggested and mine also and she paid for hers and I paid for mine. Mom is in the cript now. She could not walk, talk or eat for two yrs. My arrangements have all been made all that has to be done is sign papers for my burrial. I have made the papper work out for no life support if there is no hope of living a normal life I have allergies so I live one day at a time to the fullest. Had cancer operation a few yrs. ago and am still here. I am not perfect but am a lot better person than I have been. I do believe in the hear after but am in no hurry and do mean this to be funny. I am reading the book Charming Billy, Live in a small town so when I asked for it the clerk ask me if it was about Bill Clinton, things like that make my day. I will buy and read one year to live but kinda live that way already. We are not promised tomorrow. Wonder what the clerk will say when I buy this book. Will be lurking here and posting. ginger

Got put on long distance so they got a minute or two long distance from me. So many times when I am posting they do that to me. So some joy from the clerk and a little irration from the phone co. such is life.

the quote I read did not attract me but the idea does. At seventy one I'm very aware of my mortality and unwilling to waste a minute of my precious remaining time doing ANYTHING I do 't want to do. This is apt to leave me in a quandary as to what DO I WANT TO DO today ? decisions decisions. Planning a shortened life requires method and organization both of which annoy me. I'm a spontaneous person, so I leave it up to the post coffee agenda that I make each day to which I partially adhere. am I wasting my time trying not to waste my time (G)?

Claire

Claire you make me smile. When I read this book it caused me stop and ask myself if there was any thing I wanted to do that I haven't done. Like I've never gone up in a balloon. I realized very quickly that I didn't WANT to go up in a balloon. That I had many ways of 'going up' that I didn't have to leave the ground. You know like great sex, or a good book. If I was going up just to view my part of the earth, or to see something different or for the 'thrill' well, to tell the truth, I like my thrills to arrive without risking my life and limb.

What I came to the conclusion about was... I had done just about every thing I had ever wanted to do. Learned to roller skate at 55 yrs and loved it. I roller skated Yosemite three times. Best way to see Yosemite by the way. I was with a group and I have wonderful memories of those thrip.

Now, if I died tomorrow what would I regret...I would regret all the times I held a grudge. What a waste. I would regret not eating ice creme because of some body image I was never going to have. I would regret not asking my mom all the question I now have since she is gone. I regret being mean-spirited at times, even with me as well as other people. What a waste. So I guess this means I really regret all the TIME I wasted on the trivial stuff. So I don't waste much time being mean with me or others. Takes too much precious time.

There is no message here. Just thoughts. I think I will go find another book to read. I'm ready for another thrill. <G> Sage

maybe we should write a book (G)

Claire. I think you are right. Here are some things I would do more of:

 
Dance more. Sing more and be silly. 
Make a fool of myself and make people laugh. 
Yell as loud as I can, and sob when I cry. 
Never ever wear pantyhose or a girdle. (remember those)? 
 Never Let some men tell me what I could or couldn't do. 
Let others please me. 
Ask for help when I needed it. 
Laughed more. 
Looked everyone in the eyes. 
Read more fun stuff.  Saw more fun stuff, and did more fun stuff. 

Claire this is a beginning.  Sage

get razor blade and remove the word "impossible" from everyones dictionary. . . . including my own.

go ahead and hug my friends even if they aren't used to it, but ask for permission if I think that's true and that they won't like it..how would they know. we need more toucvhing in our lives, especially in are lives now. . . there's a dirth in certain areas that used to have lots Maybe there is someting to be said for massage. instead of lunch out. certainly less fattening.(G)

Claire

What a great idea. Have a massage instead of lunch. Marvelous.

Sage

Sage, that was a great posting above. Certainly agree with your points. What a waste of time to be angry or hold a grudge.

Clare, hugs are good and we all need them whether we think we do or not.

Larry

Larry thank you. I think of time wasted on all that grudge holding. Phooey! In the grand scheme of things, grudges hold about a zero when I think about it.

My mission in life was to love as many people as I could and not to harm the others. I found I loved a lot of people without trying and some took a little work. Some a lot of work and some I just couldn't do it. I really did think it was possible to love everyone. Well, I regret I couldn't. Made me humble too. As I thought there was something good in everyone. After I found out what wasn't so good about me, then it was easier to love others. We are all so needy seems to me.

I also found out that feeling guilty is such a waste. Not that I shouldn't feel guilty when I fell short, but that I wasted so much time beating myself up with guilt. It has taken me a long time to think of all the right, kind, and good things I managed to do. Still find myself with loads of guilt to make amends for.

Enough, talk to me.

Sage

Larry spoke of the necessity of hugs... Well.. we need to send some to Larry now... he's in the CCU at a GA hospital for heart problems... Larry, get better fast and lots of hugs.

Larry we will be lighting a get well candle for your recovery. A big hug from us.

Sage

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts. They must have worked as had no further blockages.

Larry

Larry thank you for posting the good news.