Thanks for all your words of wisdom - poetry outside of the humanities does not seem to be our makeup and I am grateful.
I had come to terms with what brought me peace and acceptance of my earthly limits that included the realization I could not change others - I turned to St. John of the Cross' 'Dark Night of the Soul' and 'Ascent on Mount Carmel' along with writings from and about the Tao and I set aside regular time for contemplation. This was my bedrock through the times with life hit me a blow I was unprepared for and had to deal with.
I wish now I had left well enough alone - however, a knee jerk reaction that I did not see coming - only in hindsight have I realized, I did it again. I have a very good friend who is easily angered because the Pope, the Bishops or this belief and that belief - on and on her reaction is to angrily blame. Well when folks are blaming and I know just enough to be dangerous, rather than disagree I need all the facts and so I started to read, one book after the other. I even purchased from the Teaching Company sets of tapes on the history of the Popes and the History of the Bible, the History of the New and Old Testament - so far I have read almost 2 dozen books - the kind you cannot get through without a dictionary next to you and in some cases I had to fish out my old Latin Dictionary. Glory only knows what I did with my high school Greek dictionary but I could have used it.
While reading my mouth dropped over and over as I learned how politics is the basis for most of our Christian beliefs. The politics is unbelievable brutality during the first 700 years of Christian to Christian toward those who did not share the current views Especially explaining the Trinity and who Jesus was in relationship to God, the Word and the Blessed mother.
I was startled with some of the early cannons - I had no idea that many of the Deacons who were most often the personal in charge of maintaining the physical buildings, things, finances were eunuchs and how a Canon written during Chalcedon in 451 said only those eunuchs that it was done to them or it was a health care choice could be ordained as priests. Not sure what I think but certainly not what I expected.
Then the Bible and what books were included and how the names Mathew, Mark, Luke and John were simply added and how the Mathew was written only 2 years after the total sacking of Jerusalem in 69/70 AD. It would be like someone in Germany after WWII - not someone from the allied forces but the looser, Germany - writing about a revered leader during WWI when Germany was also a looser. Difference the years between WWII and WWI were less than 40, which is the time between the Roman Persecutions at the time of Jesus and the sacking of Jerusalem. I suspect the circumstances would bring a tone to the author's memory
I know, this is not a religious discussion but all of this and more has me by the tail - at least I know the things that many folks blame the Pope and church for were actually as a result of the king or emperor, other raids and the history of the Mediterranean. I realized the common stories of today have been exaggerated - However, to learn that not only the church but what we are taught as truth is man-made as a result of politics and the brutal treatment to death and the destruction of property for those with another viewpoint makes me question if the entire Church is a house of cards - I think the straw breaker is to learn of the closing and sacking of Plato's school in Rome so that the only reason we have his writings to day is because some Persians whisked the tablets and scrolls off and translated them which were hundreds of years later found and translated again.
I could go on and on with all I have learned and it sounds like Babi you indicated you found this out some years ago. No, I did not faithfully attend church services but there were certain books and authors that gave me a perspective on life as well as a connection to my inner self. I know, because of this search I can at least paste a smile on my face when others rile knowing half the time they are going off half-cocked.
Difficult in all this is scrapping off yet one more piece of myself - there has been much of me built on faith and trust in others and what I was taught or told - I navigated my life based on this trust and the teachings I incorporated into my basic DNA, to use a current allegory. I have little time or use of blame, hurt or anger and just want to get on with identifying who I am. It looks like Jackie I need to decide what is true and now I am doubting so much I have to pick through the rubble and gather the small bits.
Ah yes, Bellemere, Boethius - and the Fifty Reasons... we are all on in a different place in our journey - I have a comfortable justification of God which for me is a cosmic power without duality. What I want is a way to celebrate or offer adoration - which is really more about me than injecting an influence toward a cosmic power.
It is like celebrating 4th of July - each town has its own traditions and ceremony although, we are all united in our dependence and gratification for the work incorporated in the Declaration of Independence. If we learn shocking untold aspects of how that document came about and the character of those engaged at the time and how some of the traditions were to put-it-up someone's nose who disagreed with chosen wording it takes the tarnish off the day's celebration and the question becomes not only what does this nation stand for but, what is it I am pledging to when I pledge my Allegiance. And yet, where I would be amazed and disjointed learning about the politics of our nation's independence it is not as much of a blow. I believe it has something to do with how I did not expect our beliefs about God were political agreements.
