Yes, away from that kind of daily put downs you realize it however, many feel responsible or for other reasons cannot just walk away from a situation where you are pushed down till you have no belief in yourself left - I've been there and many women have been there - it takes years of work to get out of that hole -
One help to me was a group of about 20 men and women who were nothing but positive in every and I mean every conversation - they only offered support in every comment and gave examples of receiving support and supported not only each other but told how they were supporting another family member. All this support and positive feedback was encouragement for us to achieve some small goal - mine at the time was simply to get out of bed be 8:30 in the morning - others had goals that included a running program to writing every day to finally having the courage to sell their craft work and to get busy each day creating their for sale items, to a few working on finally sticking to a learning program of some sort and several had to do with the big stuff of confronting their abusing boss or family member.
I learned from that experience, what a difference positive loving exchanges can make and I am trying to make that my way of talk since I did learn how we talk to others is how we talk to ourselves and we can be the worst culprit with our self talk of tearing ourselves down or we can be in the habit of building up ourselves and others.
I'll never forget that 90 day program and I still have a few of those from that support team as friends on facebook today. We did the entire program online and included in this group was a guy from Italy, another from Britain, a woman from Switzerland and another from the Netherlands, a guy from South Africa and another from a small town in northern Mexico - they all spoke some English - some better than others - there were folks from Virginia, Oregon, Michigan, Alabama, at least two from California, one from Nova Scotia -
Some of us tried to keep it up but without a site set up to follow the daily requirement of posting our successes for the day that was on a page where we re-read our goal that we were encouraged to word without any fault finding but only in positive terms we were not able to keep as active the camaraderie however, about half of us are friends on facebook and sure enough to this day, its been years now, we always only comment with a positive encouraging response and we are sure to 'like' any contribution any of us make.
And so, I know first hand the damage that the quote I found is about and know the pain that isn't even pain - you become numb trying hard not to show it and handle your life by splitting into two personalities - one for the public and the other who you believe is your true self who wants to hide in your home or for me in my bed. Trying to hide while being in public wore me out but I knew if I didn't stay active I would go down some black hole and be in an institution -
I notice this is the relationship I have with my best friend - as we age we cannot help but notice how the generation just younger feels so put upon by our lifestyle and they fear having to take care of us so they start to try to control us - we love our family but it is not easy for some of us as we can be treated like children by the very family members we love. Again, staying up beat and sharing only positive feedback regardless how we would like to dump our experiences and bad feelings is doing more for us than I imagined when we made this decision to be each others positive support.
All I can say is you are right Steph but sometimes we need support to make that wisdom be a part of our thinking and emotional life. It is not always easy to be positive in return when you do not agree with what someone is saying or you are feeling bad because someone was rude to you or we experience change we never imagined we would have to tackle but like Gandhi, I hope to develop the skill I'm espousing that I believe will get us all past this polarization that has taken over and to support the many who secretly feel less about themselves than they should. Wish me luck folks... I know I will be doing myself a favor as well.