Author Topic: Talking Heads ~ Aging: Do Not Go Gentle (Read 21816 times)

Ella Gibbons · « **Reply #40 on:** April 13, 2009, 10:16:03 PM »

Talking Heads

"It occurred to me that nothing is more interesting than opinion when opinion is interesting..."
Herbert Bayard Swope, creator of the Op-Ed page.

A two week forum for opinions on anything in print: magazines, newspaper articles, online: bring your ideas and let's discuss.

Our Third Selection is: Do Not Go Gentle: The Feisty Man's Guide to Aging Anything But Gracefully by Roy Rowan.

Smithsonian Magazine April 2009:
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/The-Last-Page-Do-Not-Go-Gentle.html

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"--Satchel Paige

Discussion Leader: Ginny

The story brought to mind the first time someone opened a door for me. It was not a gentleman but a young lady and obviously she did it because of my age. It happens frequently now. I am deferred to because of age, it is understandable. I look all of 80 years of age; one cannot disguise age in my opinion.

I do agree with the author of the story that "as for enjoying life........ it's a matter of doing the things I've always done. More slowly, for sure, but more thoughtfully too, often mixing reminiscences with the job at hand."

Yes, the reminiscences come very frequently and, at first, I rejected them. Now I wait for them and live in them for a little while.

Steph · « **Reply #41 on:** April 14, 2009, 07:50:31 AM »

Thank you Babi. Right now I admit to being very puzzled and upset. My doctors office called late yesterday afternoon and said they had gotten a report from my mammogram from last week and the hospital will be calling me for more pictures of the right boob.. They were very matter of fact,but I confess that I am upset.. These were digital mammos.. Which is supposed to mean they know they got good pictures. So.. is something wrong.. Why did the hospital not call me.. I sit puzzled. Should I call the hospital?? The doctors office said if the hospital had not gotten back to me by Friday to call them, but should I wait.. I do not like this particular problem at all.

maryz · « **Reply #42 on:** April 14, 2009, 08:14:06 AM »

Steph, of course you're concerned. That's too long to wait, IMHO - and I've been there. Go ahead and call the hospital and set up your appointment now. Plus call your doctor. It may be nothing - just a glitch on the x-ray - it does happen. But you need to know. E-mail me, if you like. I'd also suggest checking in to the Bosom Buddies discussion on Seniors & Friends (in the Medical Corner).

Babi · « **Reply #43 on:** April 14, 2009, 09:06:20 AM »

STEPH, it is standard protocol for a hospital or lab to notify the doctors of results, and allow the doctor to contact and confer with the patient. It may be something, or it may simply be a shadow they're not sure about. In any case,
MARYZ is right; the sooner you clear it up the better. Otherwise you will just worry and fret.
Any time I have a problem, I can't stand being uncertain. I want to know what I'm dealing with ASAP. Then I can deal with it. I had a breast tumor, a small one. Taken care of, no further problems.

ALF43 · « **Reply #44 on:** April 14, 2009, 01:26:37 PM »

Steph- I know exactly how you feel and how panicked this can make you. CALL and keep us posted!!!

Quote

Ella I look all of 80 years of age; one cannot disguise age in my opinion.

That is SO untrue. You do not look even close to 80.

mrssherlock · « **Reply #45 on:** April 14, 2009, 02:49:18 PM »

Steph: I hope that you ahve called by now. Like Babi, I can deal with things when I know what's what. We're with you, girl!

pedln · « **Reply #46 on:** April 14, 2009, 09:49:20 PM »

Steph -- call, and know that we're all with you.

Steph · « **Reply #47 on:** April 15, 2009, 07:48:36 AM »

You are all so right. I just got scared. My mother died of cancer and it tends to panic me. I called and tomorrow at 9:30 will have the return for more views. I have never had a recall, but many years ago, I found a lump and went totally nuts. My Mother was dying of cancer, my aunt had just died of cancer and I find a lump.. Not a pretty picture. I finally went into the doctors. He took one look and feel and said.." No.. no, it is a cyst.. if they hurt and swell, they are not cancer" I just collapsed in the office. He was such a very very kind man. He sat and listened to me and calmed me down.. My husband has been so ill off and on for the past year and I just thought maybe we were in the other end, but possibly not. Darn.. But all of you have helped me face what I need to know.

Ella Gibbons · « **Reply #48 on:** April 15, 2009, 11:13:54 AM »

Oh, ALF, you're sweet! But I know that the best way to tell a woman's age is when she's not around. hahaaaaa

A few advantages to aging: (oh, yeah?)

You'll never have to do it again.

All the things you couldn't have when you were young you no longer want.

You get a wonderful new friend whom you see a lot of - the druggist.

Every time you grow a year older so do all your friends.

The younger generation keeps getting younger.

Ella Gibbons · « **Reply #49 on:** April 15, 2009, 11:16:46 AM »

Responding to Satchel Page's remark I would reply that if I didn't know how old I was I would say I was 32, unless there was a mirror around and I happened to catch a glimpse.

PatH · « **Reply #50 on:** April 15, 2009, 09:01:23 PM »

Steph, I sympathize with you. I have a long history of flunking mammograms, and it used to freak me out, since I have a family history of vulnerability. BUT: A: the best thing you can do for yourself is to settle the question as soon as possible, and B: most of these dubious results are just glitches, and turn out to be nothing. Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope all will be well.

Steph · « **Reply #51 on:** April 16, 2009, 08:17:53 AM »

Off at 9:30 for the more views. They told me I would be there for up to two hours, since they must be read by the expert before I can leave. Amazing how hospitals, doctors and test stuff is always for the convenience of the doctors isnt it.
I love my WII.. When I do the daily body test, it gives you an actual age each day by how you did on the days tests.. Some days I am 25. I am always younger than my actual age.. NOw to stay away from mirrors the rest of the day.. Hmm.

joyous · « **Reply #52 on:** April 16, 2009, 12:01:58 PM »

Good morning! I have just discovered this board and read all the messages AND THOROUGHLY enjoyed it!
Re: the mammograms------I had breast CA in 1999, had a lumpectomy followed by
radiation. When the mammo was taken that showed the suspicious area, I was notified
by the hospital (after about a week), NOT the doctor that had referred me for the mammo.
Now, when I get my yearly mammo, I demand that they are read by the radiologist before
I leave so that I will have results immediately. Last year my yearly mammogram showed
calcifications, (which "threw me into a tizzy") and the radiologist suggested a re-mammo
in 6 months, which I did, and the result was satisfactory.
Steph: You mention CA (your husband) in the parotid gland area----I had CA -also in 1999-
of the parotid gland, so I can sympathize with your husband on that. However, I had no
significant scarring.
I love this board!!!!!
Joy

Steph · « **Reply #53 on:** April 16, 2009, 12:58:53 PM »

Back home safe and sound. Due to a lovely policy in the hospital. They did the return views ( whew, the extra views hurt really bad), then an ultra sound. Then a wonderful woman came in. The Radiologist. She said it was teeny cysts,, nothing to concern me and released me for a year. Oh wow.. such a fright and all is well.
Yes, my husband had surgery for the parotid tumor. He has all of his facial nerves intact. The radiation however did in the salivary glands on one side and now the others have stopped working as well. Very hard to eat.. Everything is too dry to swallow. He works hard at it, but it does not get easier.

maryz · « **Reply #54 on:** April 16, 2009, 01:49:34 PM »

WONDERFUL NEWS!!! Steph! I know you're so relieved.

As Joy knows, my cousin was treated at MDAnderson last year for a salivary gland tumor. He underwent chemo and radiation, which shrank the tumor to nothing, so no major surgery was necessary. In October, he was pronounced tumor-free and to come back only in six months, etc. He didn't lose his hair, but did lose a lot of weight - which he really needed to lose. He just sent around a recent photo, and he looks GREAT! Good things do happen sometime.

Babi · « **Reply #55 on:** April 16, 2009, 03:44:32 PM »

Quote

The younger generation keeps getting younger.

Isn't that the truth. I have become aware that the little persons I think of as mere babies are getting older all the time!

fairanna · « **Reply #56 on:** April 16, 2009, 04:03:27 PM »

A perfect day for me to stop by I have enjoyed reading everyones posts GREAT ONES and all I agree with ..yesterday my dear friend and companion for 9 years memorial service was held and today his daughter and husband left for home and my oldest daughter and her husband did likewise My other children who live locally have always been there for me so I am blessed many times over.. The poem do not go gently was used on his card at the funeral home...it was my choice and his daughter loved it because we both agreed he was a Fighting Irish man and had fought the good fight. the pain of his death and suffering was not what hurt as much as the failure of a local hospital who sent him home a day before we were able to admit him to a VA hospital for help >>>there was no help but medicine to relieve his pain and allow him finally take his last sleep...My husband died in 1994 and God and he sent two special men who had lost their spouses to give me companionship and the the one who just died GOD sent because had he not come here he would have died nine years ago from problems that were ignored in his home state .. Bypass surgery and chemo for lymphoma and a determination to survive gave him the the extra years and his family became mine and joined my family in helping him.. they had him for the extra years and those years gave me a purpose . there were times when I wept when I was cooking some special meal for him ..not because I had to to cook for him but because I had someone to cook for... My children are asking once again what I will do now at 81 ...I told the what I have always done .. Live until I die. Seniornet saved me when my husband died, and poetry did the same...it has been the one constant support ..encouraged me to classes at the local University . And while I no longer hear the poetry my groups reads they hear mine and make me welcome when we read at Barnes and Nobles and at a local coffee shop each month < my house looks like a disaster but I havent cared about that For me housekeeping is a chore.. Living for is being here , writing and reading poetry, writing stories , and essays, reading every book I can , pampering the birds in my backyard, taking care of two large Golden Retriviers , making my own clothes and clothes for my oldest daughter who became legally blind just before her 40th birthday .she will be 58 this septembe and she has never stop living...her circle of friends take her places when her husband cant. She had been president of the Woman;s Group . serves on the state board for the handicapped and has web site for the county where she lives.. and does so much you wonder how She gives me credit for giving her the ability to keep living , accepting what life has offered and has the same determintion that she was going to LIVE until she dies.. the other poem I am fond of is Death be not proud for we believe as the poet did ...when we leave here we will go where death does not exist....for years I lied about my age and said I was 22.. and frankly that is the age I feel I do not recognize the face in the mirror and whenever I go somewhere and look into a mirror I wonder who is that looking back at me I tell people I have magic mirrors in my home In fact there have been times when someone showed me picture of me taken at some event and I dont recognize myself I know that cant be me .. Perhaps I am delusional but "You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old" this line has always been mine......I thought it original to me but found out George Burns said it ...so OKAY GEORGE I AGREE>> thank you for having this discussion .. it is the beginning of what I need ..courage to go on ., and I feel GOD Led me here when turned on my computer to relax a bit before I have to start working on getting on with my life BUT I FEEL BLESSED A THOUSAND TIMES OVER FOR THE SPECIAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE SHARED IT WITH ME>.

joyous · « **Reply #57 on:** April 16, 2009, 06:20:17 PM »

Steph: I am DELIGHTED to hear of your good results!!!!! Only someone who has been in
that situation knows the anxiety you go through. Sorta like the elation I felt when I got
the news that the breast CA was not in the lymph nodes
Joy

Eloise · « **Reply #58 on:** April 16, 2009, 07:06:57 PM »

Oh! dearest Anna, I am so sad to hear the news. Please accept my deepest sympathy at your loss. Please, email me or call me whenever you have time to turn around. I am glad that your family is close by for you at this time when you especially need them. Take good care of yourself, it's important that you stay healthy.

I love you my friend.

PatH · « **Reply #59 on:** April 16, 2009, 08:38:06 PM »

Anna, what shines through your post is what a wonderful blessing you have been to so many people. It's amazing to think of how much good you have done in the world.

Steph · « **Reply #60 on:** April 17, 2009, 07:44:19 AM »

Anna, I am so very sorry to hear your news. I remember you from the beach. You are a born nurturer.. Lots of bean soup and joy as I remember.

Babi · « **Reply #61 on:** April 17, 2009, 09:26:03 AM »

I think PatH said it best for me, ANNA. Thank you for taking the time to share your post with us. It's a pleasure to have met you years ago, and to have you with us here.

Steph · « **Reply #62 on:** April 18, 2009, 09:22:31 AM »

Do not go gentle..... I have been thinking of my mother.
She had colon cancer, survived three years, but knew for the last year, that she would not survive. The last few months she changed.. She planned in great death her funeral.. picked the hymns, wrote down where she wanted things to go.. All in all it was like she was closing. I did not handle this well, since I was still fighting.. She died quite peacefully. Now I think I understand that she had made her goodbyes.. Even if that horrible person she was living with, would not let us have any of her posessions , except for her clothes.. Never never move in with someone and take your stuff without clearly labeling all of it with written instructions with your attorney. It was a horrible experience. The only person, I have ever wholeheartedly hated. He brought his new girl friend to the funeral. I came as close as I ever have to attacking another human being.

Babi · « **Reply #63 on:** April 18, 2009, 10:30:34 AM »

Oh, STEPH, what a terrible experience. I wanted to slug the guy, just reading about it. How can people be so cold?!

Steph · « **Reply #64 on:** April 19, 2009, 09:33:42 AM »

He was a terrifying cunning old guy. Mom was in a line of older sick women who he lived with, took a lot of money from and then watched them die. He tried a bunch of tricks in her last weeks, but I had arrived and alerted our attorney and he thwarted most of the schemes.. A truly awful man. He sold most of our family stuff at an auction in the last six months of her life. We never even knew. My cousin and I tried t retrieve her stuff, but he called the law and the police were not on his side, but said other than clothing and jewelry, we could not remove anything. We went ahead that day and took any family pictures off the walls..and her dog..besides the clothing. He said he had a sale for the dog and I came close to spitting in his face. My husband held me back and the policeman said he knew that the dog was Miss Veras dog and I should take it. A bad time in my life for sure.

Babi · « **Reply #65 on:** April 19, 2009, 01:03:27 PM »

I'm so glad that policeman was able to save the dog for you, STEPH. I'm sure
they hated not being able to do more for you. It's also very fortunate that your mother had an attorney that you could alert, and you were able to do that. It does occur to me...I'm an optimist...that once the police were aware of this guy and his activities, they may well have made life more difficult for him.
One can only hope.

Steph · « **Reply #66 on:** April 20, 2009, 07:44:30 AM »

Small towns.. He already had another elderly girl friend and sure enough, she also had cancer. I swear that he used to sit in doctors offices and look for them. We never knew where and when they met. He just suddenly appeared. I knew he was weird when she said he did not get social security. I told her that was impossible, but she always believed him. I think he simply did not want her to know his real name.

Babi · « **Reply #67 on:** April 20, 2009, 09:50:06 AM »

Apparently some of the predators find their prey by attending therapy group sessions, STEPH. I can see how it would not be hard at all to sit in the waiting room of some cancer specialist and identify an elderly patient. They would even learn the name when the nurse called the patient in.
How I despise these human leeches, both male and female. Bah!

Steph · « **Reply #68 on:** April 21, 2009, 08:32:56 AM »

I spent a lot of time and effort making sure that he got a lot of notoriety in the little town.. Told all my friends before I left to go home. Wrote letters to the editor of the local paper on how to keep your aging parent safe.. Notified via our attorney anyone we could prove had bought her family items. Got all of my cousins ( I have 10 ) involved. We made his life moderately uncomfortable..

Babi · « **Reply #69 on:** April 22, 2009, 10:02:28 AM »

Good for you! I'm all for forgiveness, but not for allowing the culprit to
continue doing harm.

Steph · « **Reply #70 on:** April 23, 2009, 07:58:50 AM »

Am I right? Is it time for a new topic? Could it maybe be about
Twitter. Friends keep urging me to join and I am baffled by the whole thing.. Surely there might be a current article about it. Seems to be everywhere. I have a friend who joined strictly to be able to give her elected politicians a jab periodically.

Babi · « **Reply #71 on:** April 23, 2009, 08:35:35 AM »

I have no idea what a 'Twitter' is. Enlighten me, please.

ginny · « **Reply #72 on:** April 23, 2009, 02:56:26 PM »

Yes it is time for a new topic and I have one waiting, but there's a slight hang up, if we can't get it up on Monday Twitter will appear in its place and if we can, (waiting for artist's jpeg for the heading) then we'll do Twitter after the next one.

Let's wait and discuss it then, great suggestion. I'm sure half of the country wondered, tuning in to Larry King to see Susan Boyle, what on earth P Diddy and Ashton Kutcher (husband of Demi Moore) were talking about. Tweet tweet.

Good one!

PatH · « **Reply #73 on:** April 23, 2009, 08:42:11 PM »

OK, we're about to leave this topic, but I have to post something about a personal model, my great-great grandmother. She was born in 1806, and a clipping from the Cincinnati Enquirer in 1899 describing her 70th wedding anniversary says "It is not an uncommon thing to see Mrs. Brown mount a horse and ride away as gaily as a girl of 16 and she walks as erect and as smartly as any girl". She died a few years later from the pneumonia she caught while stacking firewood in the middle of winter.

My 2 attempts at horseback riding were a draw (horse 1, me 1) and my posture has never been erect, but I'm good at the cantankerous independence that leads you to stack firewood in the middle of winter, and that's how I want to go.

Steph · « **Reply #74 on:** April 24, 2009, 07:51:49 AM »

Babi.. Twitter is a short method of communicating.. www.twitter.com will show you what is happening.
I am up for any sort of new topic.. I do love this discussion. We do not wring everything out twice or three times.. I like the short forms.

Babi · « **Reply #75 on:** April 24, 2009, 08:59:13 AM »

Okay, STEPH. Thanks for the definition. I'll be thinking about a possible topic and post here if something grabs me.

Jonathan · « **Reply #76 on:** April 24, 2009, 12:01:26 PM »

Pat, the image will forever remain in my imagination. What a heart-warming farewell to the current op/ed topic.

Stacking firewood in her nineties. In the middle of winter. Setting things up for a cheery, comforting blaze in the fireplace. What a way to go. How poetic. And that was long, long before Dylan Thomas and his panic-stricken angst.

Babi · « **Reply #77 on:** April 25, 2009, 08:35:33 AM »

I find myself unable to care in the least about P. Diddy or Demi Moore's husband. (yawn) Sorry. I do need to learn more about Twitter, tho', to allay
some of my ignorance in that area.

Here's a magazine article (The New York Times Magazine) that I found
interesting, since it's about books vs. on-line for kids learning to read. I
suspect the author's nostalgia had a great deal to do with her opinions.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/magazine/01wwln-medium-t.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=Feb.%201,%202009%20+%20%22Click%20and%20Jane%22&st=cse

(Jane told me how to turn that long address into a clickable word. I should
have written it down, knowing what a short memory I have now.)

Steph · « **Reply #78 on:** April 25, 2009, 09:29:26 AM »

The only advantage I could see online for people learning to read is the instant correction, you could obtain on the web. Classrooms are often chaotic with too many children to help them all at once. I know our granddaughter did much better at Sylvan for learning to read. It was the one on one stuff that helped her the most.

ginny · « **Reply #79 on:** April 25, 2009, 04:48:54 PM »

I have loved the discussion here, thank you all for your unique and wonderful posts.

Our next topic for two weeks, Topic #4, is one dear to our hearts, who has not been guilty of this one? hahaha

Come on over and give us your thoughts: the floor is now open to hear YOUR point of view!

Just click here , we're looking for YOU!

http://seniorlearn.org/forum/index.php?topic=456.msg20517#msg20517

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Author Topic: Talking Heads ~ Aging: Do Not Go Gentle (Read 21816 times)