Jonathan, I am with you. I adore Emma and her spunky personality. And she does not even consider love and marriage for herself.
Emma is real for me. We all would have some of her qualities and flaws, and still be very likable. I don't want a fake, straight lace, yes sir, no sir character. I do like her friendship with Harriet.
I laughed at loud when Harriet is asking for advice on how to reply to Mr. Martin's letter of proposal, and Emma says:
"But what are you in doubt of? You must answer it, of course, and speedily.
"But what shall I say? Dear Miss Woodhouse, do advise me."
"Oh, no, no; the letter had much better be all your own. You will express yourself very properly, I am sure. There is no danger of your not being intelligible, which is the first thing. Your meaning must be unequivocal; no doubts of demurs; and such expressions of gratitude and concern for the pain you are inflicting as propriety requires, will present themselves unbidden to your mind, I am persuaded. You need not be prompted to write with the appearance of sorrow for his disappointment."
"You think I ought to refuse him, then?" said Harriet, looking down.
"Ought to refuse him! My dear Harriet, what do you mean? Are you in an doubt as to that? I thought__ but I beg your pardon, perhaps I have been under a mistake, I certainly have been misunderstanding you, if you feel in doubt as to the purport of your answer. I had imagined you were consulting me only as to the wording of it."
Harriet was silent. With a little reserve of manner, Emma continued.
"You meant to return a favorable answer, I collect?"
"No; I do not, that is, I do not mean__what shall I do? What would you advise me to do? Pray, Miss Woodhouse, tell me what I ought to do."
"I shall not give you any advice, Harriet. I will have nothing to do with it. This is a point which you must settle with your own feelings."
But then of course Emma goes on to pretty much tell Harriet she must refuse Mr. Martin, and once Harriet decides to refuse him, Emma says:
"I kept my feelings to myself, but now that you are so completely decided, I have no hesitation approving."
As important as it is to Harriet, I found humor in how Emma was almost mortified when Harriet seems uncertain as to how she really wants to respond to Mr. Martin.
In all sincerity, Emma was being a true friend to Harriet, even if it seems selfish, because she wants the best for Harriet, and given the times and circumstances, she sees Mr. Martin not suitable for Harriet. We have to keep in mind that many a marriages took place back then with love not necessarily being the primary reason. Social status, the man's career, family and income could trump, love.