Barb, over 30 years ago I attended an al-anon meeting with my younger sister because her husband had checked into an addiction treatment center near my home. She asked if I would go with her to a meeting and since I had a sister-in-law, I was dealing with who I was certain was addicted to alcohol causing me much strife in my life, I said yes. ONE meeting and it changed my husband's entire family's life and mine because I took the advice of no longer allowing myself to be my sister-in-law's sounding board during her drunken episodes be it 6:00 a.m., noon, or 3:00 a.m. she would call or show up at my house with no regards of knowing I had three small children to care for. I simply waited for the next phone call in the middle of the night and answered the phone and said, "I love you, but I will no longer have any conversations with you while you are drunk, you can call me when you are sober." I sent her pamphlets I had taken from the al-anon meeting on how to ask yourself if you are an alcoholic, and other information. As angry as she was with me for months to come, she actually went to an AA meeting, got sober, and then dealt with many pent-up family issues. I shared this with the other sister-in-law who I was concerned with having a drinking problem as well and she and her husband quit drinking and saved all the money they were spending on expensive alcohol and started a nice nest egg for their retirement.
I take NO credit for them deciding to make a life change other than providing the information, they had to accept the truth of their addiction and decide to do something to help themselves. I too had to be willing to say NO MORE! I talked with my husband, and we decided he needed to be the one to tell his sister to leave and not come back unless she was sober. She challenged him holding her brown bag full of beer with her slurred speech, and he did not back down. He led her to our door, opened it and out she went. That is the day I finally found peace and allowed myself to no longer be responsible or feel guilty for her well-being. As I learned in that al-anon meeting and through reading scripture, my well-being is as important as any other person's. It's like the flight attendant tells you before take-off, in the event of an emergency, mask yourself up first so you can help others.
I hope the book
Rebuilt Faith will give you some peace and insight as it did me. Today's world is a phenomenon to baby boomers. We've lived through wars, poverty, etc., to know you need some sort of belief system beyond
whatever makes you feel good do it. We can feel lost in a world of no boundaries, penalties, consequences or respect. If I did not have my faith I would and could not have hope in the direction this world is going. I have decided I will no longer have conversations with people who are closed off and not even willing to consider a different point of view. I adapted the humorous attitude of
"Not my circus, not my clowns." lol and on certain days it's
"NOT today, Satan, and tomorrow doesn't look good either." Through much self-reflection, accountability for my part in things, forgiveness if not for them but for my own self and staying focused with as AA refers to
"A higher power" and as Christians believe is
"God", I no longer engage with those who are filled with hate. I just don't have the time, energy, patience or tolerance, my peace of mind is essential for my health & happiness.
As al-anon would say,
you are on the road to recovery when you are able to acknowledge your problems/mess. You my friend just did it in this paragraph:
And so, Al-Anon helped all of us acknowledge the pain of loss and grief when we realized our hopes, dreams and expectations regardless how they would benefit others was not going to happen. And that is when it hit - as of now all this topsy turvy change will not stop or go away - and to learn how to live full lives knowing there is little anyone can actually do to change anyone who is addicted to a viewpoint any more than we can change any addict until, they want to change - and so with that realization I pulled out my copy of Opening Our Hearts Transforming our Losses -
We are never too old to learn new things, we are never too old to open our minds to change, we are never too old to accept the world is in chaos today just as it was in the Old Testament and New Testament thousands and thousands of years ago. WE decide if we want to be a part of positivity or negativity. We can't always avoid the ugly, but we can decide how we react to it. One thing that has brought me an abundance of peace these past few years is I leave my TV off the entire day. I have found that is the most negative, fear mongering device that can drain a healthy mind, body and soul. My hubby and I have certain shows we like to watch together at night and I dvr certain shows. I go to my neighbor's house to chat, and she has two TVs on two different stations which are within 2 feet of each other and it's the news 24-7. I actually begin feeling anxious and ask if she could mute them while I am there.
There is a new word I learned from my daily online Bible study group, it's "TYPOLOGY."
typology /tī-pŏl′ə-jē/ noun
1. The study or systematic classification of types that have characteristics or traits in common.
2. A theory or doctrine of types, as in scriptural studies.
3. A discourse or treatise on types.
4. The doctrine of types.
5. The systematic classification of the types of something according to their common characteristics.
6. The result of the classification of things according to their characteristics.
7. Linguistic typology.
8. Classification according to general type.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition • More at Wordnik
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=meaning+of+typology&ia=web&iax=definitionThis season we have been in the Book of Genesis, and it shows how Joseph son of Jacob, is a typology of Jesus who has not yet come into the world. Why do I share this and find it interesting? Well, if we can take a moment and really look at today's world and then compare it to the O.T and the N.T. it is a typology of what was then, now and ever shall be. So, to think we are going to see something different in or of this world would be like expecting the end of our journey to be given to us now rather than when it is already planned to happen to us/for us in heaven. When I experience the betrayal of family and friends, I think of how Joseph's brothers were okay with throwing him into a pit to die or sell him to a caravan, as the people were okay to cry out, "Crucify him!" What are the comparisons today? What were the end results then? Joseph went from the pit to the palace and Jesus went from the grave to the kingdom. Our focus is NOT others or what the majority goes along with... our focus is on our salvation. Just as I nor anyone else could force my sister-in-law to stop drinking until she could admit she had a problem, just as the crowd could not be convinced Jesus did no wrong, and just as we today cannot force anyone to see the problems that are causing the chaos, we can only do our best to not be the brothers of Jesus, not be one of the crowd and not be part of the problem of today.
I hope this helps in some way. Sorry if it was long.
Isn't it funny how you chose the same short story from Amazon as I did. I also looked at
Bootlegger's Daughter and decided against it for now. Butter! Why does this bring a smile to my face... something so simple.
Ciao~ Bellamarie