39. Were his (Wally Lamb's) thoughts more on arrangement or presentation than content or both?

40. What are some of the devices he (Wally Lamb) suggested?

41. Do you have any more insight today into why that (using the pins) seemed to help?

42. What was their ( your parents') reaction (to the book)?

43. Was your family worried that your writing for publication would hurt you? Or were they afraid it would hurt them?. . . Mal

39-43. I think most of Wally's editorial comments had to do with arrangement. The real sequence of events occurred a bit "out of order" for me (like for instance most people don't detox prior to going to jail and treatment). Also, jumping back between past and present and the two different "voices," was pretty difficult. I did pretty well with it, but a couple of times Wally told me he was feeling a little lost in the sequence.

Wally mentioned that we had spent most of our adult lives estranged (my doing completely; it had to do with that shame and regret thing). I never went back to my hometown or communicated with my hometown family from when I was in my early 20's until I was over 40 years old. The family reunion I went to (that I wrote about in my essay) took place when I was 4 years into my recovery, back in 1993, but I was still pretty sick and crazy. After that reunion, I never went back to Connecticut again until this past year.

As Wally said, this joint writing project ended up providing us with a blessed reconnection. However, when I sent in my first draft, he was as oblivious to the facts of my story as anyone else, so he was learning about most of it as we went (which he indicated more than a few times was really tough for him).

Wally helped me greatly in clarifying and organizing, and although most of what I wrote was there all along (content-wise) Wally would send back questions concerning what I wrote; in other words, he didn't so much tell me how to re-write, as much as he provided me with the opportunity to re-write in a manner that made things clearer to him and ultimately other readers.

There were only a few things that we went back and forth about more than once. One was when he thought I needed to go into more detail concerning the 18 years I spend in active drug addiction. I had condensed it into one paragraph on purpose, in order to really emphasize how little I believe my own disease of addiction has to do with my drug use. It took some bargaining on my behalf to convince him to leave it short and sweet!

There were a few places where words were softened and a couple of things I still wish could have been included but were ultimately deleted, due to concerns about liability. Also, in one edit some words that I'd softened on purpose (like "batterings" instead of "beatings") came back in the more hardened form. I didn't like the image that I thought the word "beating" conjured up, because although I'd certainly endured my share of bruises and other injuries, I really wanted to emphasize more the slow, more subliminal, emotional control my ex gained over me. In honesty, too, I had some concerns about my safety post-publication, since this guy still knows where I live and work (although in an interesting aside, I feel less afraid of him now than I did back when I was writing about it all -- uh, maybe something to do with reclaiming my power, huh?).

In addition to Wally, the publishers attorneys were also included in the editing process. They were very careful to go over everything with the proverbial "fine tooth comb." For instance I needed to assure supporting documentation existing, concerning the abuse I wrote about (reports on file w/police, and at The Center for Women and Families). I can assure you all, that what you've read about in this book only touches on the severity of various situations. If some of the the events that led up to actual crimes could be divulged, well, let's just say take what you know and then multiply it all at least 10 times, and you might be in the ballpark of what was endured prior to the day when enough became enough! It's really a miracle that I never reached that point myself before I finally got out (or maybe I did and I just got lucky because he was having an off day in reacting -- you just never know).

44. What made you decide to include your Journal entries into the story and are they changed from when you first wrote them for the sake of the story?.

44. I guess there was never any question whether to include some of the journal entries or not; after all, they were already written from a first person perspective of the incarcerated woman I once was. I'd told Wally some years back about keeping that particular journal too, so right from the "get go" I think he assumed they'd be included as well. What ended up surprising me, however, was how little of the essay was ended up comprised of the journal entries. Originally I assumed the bulk of the piece was already written, but boy oh boy, was I wrong about that!

45. Nonna seems to be the first one to tell Nancy B that God loved her. So I would like to inquire if it's not too nosy, what religious education you received as a young child?

45. Concerning my religious education -- I grew up Catholic and attended several parochial schools, including all 4 years of high school. Despite having some structure and the definate opportunity to form a spiritual relationship with God, for whatever reason, all I "heard" was that I was bad and that God was punishing me. I'm quite sure that's not all I was taught about God, but it certainly was all I absorbed, which is one of the greatest indicators to me of just how early on my "diseased perception" really began.

46. You mentioned Wally Lamb's work as Editor with you on this piece, what was the biggest thing you diagreed with him on? And what was the outcome: in other words what did he want to see and what did you finally decide?

46. We didn't really "disagree" about anything, and although I did take into account all his input and suggestions, I rather stubbornly held on to everything that felt really important to me and he respectfully agreed with just about all of it. I definately feel like what I wrote is my own story, and after bartering back and forth with Wally (in a really nit-picky manner) sometimes about a single word or two, I'm sure so does Wally!

47. Did you work while you were in prison? If you did, what did you do? (Malryn)

47. I worked in prison as a teacher's aid in a GED prep classroom (for 35 cents a day). I barely graduated from high school, finishing close to the bottom of my class. Then I flunked out of college in 1773 after only 3 semesters. I came to believe during my entire adult life (prior to going to prison) that I was not very smart. Then after arriving in prison, I had to take a battery of tests (Reading, English, Math, etc.). When I was told that I'd scored at a post high school level AND that my composite score put me into a top 1 percentile, I just couldn't believe it. And I tried not to dwell on the fact that according to assessment, I was apparantly smarter than most of the other incarcrated women who'd taken the test. In a way I felt kind of proud of myself, but then again I felt even more humiliated and dumbfounded over how I could have possibly ended up in my situation.

48. Was the treatment you received unduly harsh while you were in prison? (Malryn)

48. I believe many individuals working at the prison where I was incarcerated rather enjoyed putting inmates down and pushing them around, for no good reason.

49. What do you think the average person can do to help improve the quality of life in prisons? (Malryn)

49. I'm at a loss concerning what the average person can do to help improve the quality of life in prisons. I am personally involved in advocating for prison education to remain a priority in fiscal budgets in Indiana and Kentucky, the states in which I live and work, although it mostly feels like a losing battle. I also try to reach out to recently released individuals by involving myself in community service at homeless shelters, halfway houses, and treatment facilities.


Responses to Questions 1 - 12

Responses to Questions 13 - 24

Responses to Questions 25 - 38

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