Author Topic: End of Your Life Book Club, The ~ by William Schwalbe - March Book Club Online  (Read 39867 times)

JoanP

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The Book Club Online is  the oldest  book club on the Internet, begun in 1996, open to everyone.  We offer cordial discussions of one book a month,  24/7 and  enjoy the company of readers from all over the world.  Everyone is welcome.

The End of Your Life Book Club
Will Schwalbe

“That’s one of the things that books do. They help us talk. But they also give us something we all can talk about when we don’t want to talk about ourselves. ”Will Schwalbe

In The End of Your Life Book Club, Will and Mary Anne Schwalbe share their hopes and concerns with each other—and rediscover their lives—through their favorite books.


Discussion Schedule:
March 1 - 8 --  to page 83 (end of The Hobbit)
March 9 - 15 -- to page 169 (end of The Painted Veil)
March 16 - 22 -- to page 249 (end of Girls Like Us)
March 23 - 31 -- to page 329 (finish)


For Your Consideration
March 9 - 15 -- to page 169 (end of The Painted Veil)

To think of throughout: When he describes a book, have you read it?  If yes, how does your take on the book compare with his?  If no, does this make you want to read it?

1.  When Will objected to Sunday School,  his mother set up a plan whereby he could go anywhere he chose, but he had to go somewhere.  What are your thoughts on children and their religious upbringing?

2.  Do you agree with Anne Lamott that the two best prayers are “Help me, help me, help me” and “Thank you, thank you, thank you?”

3.  Page 110  In talking about People of the Book Mary Anne says, “I love how Brooks shows that every great religion shares a love of books, of  reading, of  knowledge. The individual books may be different, but reverence for books is what we all have in common.”  Do you think this is true, have you seen it demonstrated

4.  Will tells Mary Anne that when David Halberstam was writing The Coldest Winter he found that the veterans hadn’t really talked to their families about the Korean War,  But now with the book out, more are talking.  “That’s one of the things books do,” says Mary Anne. “ They help us talk, but they also give us something we can all talk about when we don’t want to talk about ourselves.”
Have  you experienced this with any one book?

5.  “There’s something extraordinary about the first city you love....”  Do you have such a city?

6.  “Whatever beings there are, may they be able to protect their own happiness.”  Mary Anne particularly liked this Buddhist prayer.  How do we see her protecting her own happiness?

7.  Will says that part of what made Mary Anne effective was that she worried about things sequentially.  Can you manage that?

8.  Brat Farrar is “silly”, but P. G. Wodehouse  and Alice in Wonderland are “fun”.  Is Mary Anne right?

9.  What is your notion of courage? .


Related Links::Pre-Discussion Comments; Will Schwalbe Interview; Women's Refugee Commission

DISCUSSION LEADERS: Pedln &  PatH

JoanP

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I can see where the family hesitates to alter Mary Anne's plans now, now more than ever to avoid upsetting her.  Do you notice Will's go-to word when Mom is not happy with suggestions he makes or a change of plans? She furrows her brow - and becomes "cross"  with him.  He never follows up, remembering the Etiquette of Illness suggestions.

Pedln, I remember how she used to make those elaborate plans, one hinging on another.  Doesn't she seem to be doing less of that now?  
It's the things she doesn't plan that catch my attention - like paying for that young woman's mother's expensive prescription while waiting in the pharmacy for her own.  "Don't tell your father," she warned him. Still giving instructions to him and his siblings.

Last year a close friend of mine was given a similar prognosis - told she had two months to live.  (She lived for four.)  She had gone to the doctor because she was tired, and had a constant cough.  The doctor sent her for tests - and the advanced lung cancer was revealed.  (A fit, athletic, non-smoker all her life.)
OF course she was in shock, and went to a psychologist for help.  She was told she was going to have to "teach her children how to die."  Her response was, how do I do that, I don't know how to do that myself?"
Isn't that really what Mary Anne Schwalbe is doing here?  Preparing her family for when she's gone and giving them a blueprint of how to live in the time left.

I've been trying to figure out the source of her strength at this time - she seems to be trying to prepare and support the family, but where is she getting her strength? There are some faint allusions to  a supportive faith -  I've been reading the Daily Strength for Daily Needs - downloaded it on the IPad.  I can see where each day's message would be instructive and provide things to reflect upon.  At the end of The "Hobbit"chapter, she tells Will she's reading a book that's about how people can find strength they didn't know they had...
The Book of Common Prayer.  Will didn't seem to know the book - I didn't either.  Should I?  Has everyone read this book but me?




PatH

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If you're an Episcopalian, it's sitting in a rack on the back of the pew in front of you when you go to church, along with the hymnal.  I have a copy somewhere, but can't find it. (The hymnal is easy--it's by the piano with other music.)

As you can see, it has the orders for all the different services in it, plus a lot of other stuff.  I don't know if they've purged that bit by now, but it used to have a service for the "churching" of a woman after childbirth.

Jonathan

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'teach the children how to die'

Your friend, Joan, certainly got some hard advice from her counsellor. After the challenge of teaching them how to live, this sounds brutal. Who is the character in Shakespeare who went to his death in such a noble fashion that it was later said that it was the most remarkable, the most admirable thing about his life?

I found it strange that Mary Anne hears the cancer four diagnosis from the social worker.

The talk turns to dying in the next chapter, but who would have imagined it would be the 'death' of Will's stuffed turtle forty years ago.

Jonathan

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My little Common Prayer book has this this little prayer in it:

'O LORD our heavenly Father, high and mighty, King of kings, Lord of lords, the only Ruler of princes, who dost from thy throne behold all the dwellers upon earth; Most heartily we beseech  thee with thy favour to behold our most gracious Sovereign Lady, Queen Elizabeth: and so replenish her with the grace of thy Holy Spirit, that she may always incline to thy will and walk in thy way: Endue her plenteously with heavenly gifts; grant her health and wealth long to live; strengthen her that she may vanquish and overcome all her enemies; and finally, after this life, she may attain everlasting joy and felicity; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Gosh. I didn't know she had enemies.

PatH

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I don't remember that in my prayer book, Jonathan.  Maybe we yankees don't pray for British monarchs (or maybe I've forgotten it).

JoanP

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Jonathan, That counsellor gave my friend other advice which I considered harsh at the time too - For one, she told her to have her picture taken now - while she still looked good. This hard advice reminds me of Rodger 's visit with Mary Anne. What was he thinking?  Could it be he was preparing her for the reality of what is Soon to come? I had a hard time understanding Rodger's intent - as well as with the things the counsellor had to say to my old friend.

Mary Anne seems to be preparing herself in her own way.  One book, apart from the books they share in the Bookclub, Will says, goes everywhere with her. He says an old Harvard friend sent it to her. Though he thought it "somewhat ridiculous" at first, he writes,  "It would change what was left of her life." I read with interest of this mother/son perspective on religion. Hitting close to home.

I've been reading the short entries for each date in Daily Strength for Daily Needs.. This is what Mary Ann would have read on March 9:

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"whatever seeming calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing. Could you, therefore, work miracles, you could not do more for yourself than by this thankful spirit; for it heals with a word speaking, and turns all that it touches into happiness."

PatH

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We're moving on to the next section today, but I'm curious about one thing in this section we didn't get to.  For anyone who has read both Tolkien and C. S. Lewis' Narnia, do you like one and not the other?  Or both?  Why?

PatH

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Quote
"whatever seeming calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing. Could you, therefore, work miracles, you could not do more for yourself than by this thankful spirit; for it heals with a word speaking, and turns all that it touches into happiness."

The March 9 thought fits in neatly with the Buddhist prayer about protecting your own happiness--controlling your happiness by setting your own terms on it.

marcie

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Pat, I was interested to hear Will's idea that people usually like one or the other but not both Tolkien and Narnia. I like both but Tolkien seems to me to take a bit more commitment from the reader since he packs more allusions into his works, especially Lord of the Rings.

pedln

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Jonathan, that surprised me too, that it was the young woman social worker who first mentioned  the stage four cancer.  And JoanP, I was surprised that someone like Rodger would say the harsh things that he did, and what the counsellor told your friend.

I’ve been reading in The Etiquette of Illness, and am getting more out of it now that the author has stopped telling us that she is an expert.  One thing comes through loud and clear.  When you learn or know of the illness of a friend, an acquaintance, a family member, a colleague, whatever – YOU MUST DO SOMETHING.  Even if you don’t know what to do or what to say.  And the author gives some wonderful examples of people who called when first learning a friend was ill and said, “I don’t know what to say,”  And that’s all that was needed.  If you don’t call, then write, send a card, but do something.   The author gives several first person narratives, from those who were ill, and those who knew them.  And she describes "illness responsibilities" (my words, for lack of a better one) for both the patient and those who cared about her.

Will tells us in one of the chapters how his mother beamed when people said they were praying for her, that she was on the prayer list.

I’ve been reading Daily Strength for Daily Needs for about a month now.  While each day seems to focus on one topic – patience, duty, love – the overall theme seems to me that God is looking out for you, leave your concerns in his hands.

Jonathan

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'one book went everywhere with her'

Touching, isn't it, to read about Mary Anne and her worn, underlined little book of comfort, printed the year she was born.

'Other people had turned the pages, had put their own book marks in and taken them out. Was it crazy to think that all of them had somehow left on the pages traces of their own hopes and fears?...The underlining was meticulous, in blue pen, and the underliner...had either ceased underlining or ceased living after January 5. But she or he left an indelible mark. 90-1

Prayer books are wonderful things. Heathens don't know what they're missing. The author admits to being a heathen. To please his mother he tells her he's going to pray for her. And she beams, confident that his prayers will help her.

This is a very balanced book on a difficult subject. Is it the answer to Rodger's advice on the subject. Mary Anne is determined to do it her way. We also find her posting to her blog: '(I've) read an amazing book about life in prison in Burma called THE LIZARD CAGE by Karen Connelly, which makes one forget any problems here. I'm looking forward to going to The Messiah...at Avery Fisher Hall.'

I was going to post some glorious thoughts from a Jewish prayer book I have on my shelf. Perhaps some other time. I'm ecumenical. I also have The Diamons Sutra somewhere. And of course those Veda hymns the Hindus sing at sunrise. I have a Koran, but I'm not sure if there is a prayer book used by the faithful.

PatH

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Will may have said he was going to pray for his mother to please her, but he actually DID it, and got some comfort from it.

JoanP

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I think we we're getting to know Will, nearly as much as we are about his mother.  We're learning about her as Will tells us about the books she chooses to read for the book club.  Imagine knowing you have only months to live.  The books you'd choose to read would be those important to you.  I know I'd be very selective.

Will writes:
Quote
"Mom had started to steer our book club toward certain books where Christian faith played an important role."

He thinks she's doing this because she gets comfort from reading them.  I think this is partially true, but doesn't she also want to see Will's reaction - open a dialog on his own faith and principles?  I find I am becoming more interested in his reaction to the books she suggests and looking for the reasoning behind the books he's selecting for her to read..

Mary Anne suggests Gilead - a book some of us discussed in 2005 - Archived discussion of Gilead 2005.  See many old friends there - you, Pedln, Maryal, Babi..

Will wonders if maybe she wants him to read it because it is in the form of a letter from a dying parent to his son. It sure does open an interesting dialog.

Jonathan

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She's thinking of her son's well-being more than her own with her choice of books. And the prayers will help him more than her.

Thanks, I've totally missed that aspect of the Book Club. And that side of Mary Anne.

This discussion does bring back memories of many who took part over the years but have left us. Just to mention one. I believe her name was Lorrie. She was preparing to lead a discussion of MOBY DICK! I can't think of one without thinking of the other.

JoanP

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 Speaking of Marilynne Robinson's Gilead, and Geraldine Brooks' People of the Book, I wanted to share this with you - the National Book Festival is scheduled for Sept. 21, 22 on the mall in Washington, DC.  Here's the growing LIST OF AUTHORS  scheduled to attend and speak -

pedln

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Will thought he would go back to The Etiquette of Illness  to see what it had to say about the subject of death.  Halpern, a cancer victim/survivor herself, has a lot to say and gives short summaries about people in  various situations.

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It is important to allow the person facing imminent death to do as much of the planning and deciding as possible.  p168

Only the essentials matter. Feelings that are not spoken on ordinary days may be expressed at the end of a life. p. 166

Through my work with people who are facing their death, I have found that most people want to have a conversation about their feelings, at some point.  p.173

Much of what Halpern says is about taking cues from the patient, letting the patient know you are there for him/her.  That is what Will did when his mother was asking Dr. O'Reilly questions about her recent scan. Mary Anne had said she was going to ask the doctor how much time she had left. The news was good.  The tumors had shrunk, the chemo was working.  "Do you have any other questions, Mom," Will prompted.  Mary ANne was lost in thought, then -- "Oh yes, are you taking a holiday Dr O'Reilly?"

JoanP, thanks for putting up the link to Gilead. It was good to look it over, see familiar names.  It's weird sometimes, the things we remember from books. The one thing I remembered from Gilead is that the little seven-year-old son memorized the Beatitudes for  his father's birthday.



PatH

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Here's a list of all the books mentioned in this section.


Daily Strength for Daily Needs—Mary Wilder Tileston
Full Catastrophe Living—Jon Kabat-Zinn
Love, Medicine and Miracles—Bernie Siegal
Gilead—Marilynn Robinson
Housekeeping—“   “
A Fine Balance—Robinton Mistry
Dickens
Thackeray
Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith—Anne Lamott

People of the Book—Geraldine Brooks
Death in Venice and The Magic Mountain—Thomas Mann
March—Geraldine Brooks
(The Lizard Cage—Karen Connelly)

I Am Sorrow—Sindy Cheung

The Uncommon  Reader—Alan Bennett
Felicia’s Journey—William Trevor
Donna Leon, Dennis Lehane, Colin Cotterill, Alexander McCall Smith
The Railway Children—Edith  Nesbit
Swallows and Amazons—Arthur Ransome
Iris Murdoch

The Lizard Cage—Karen Connelly
Diary of a Young Girl—Anne Frank
Night—Elie Wiesel
A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier—Ishmael Beah

Brat Farrar—Josephine Tey
The Last Lecture—Randy Pausch
Jane Austen, T. S. Eliot, Wallace Stevens, Elizabeth Bishop
Collected Short Stories—W. Somerset Maugham
Three Men in a Boat—Jerome K. Jerome
The Talented Mr. Ripley—Patricia Highsmith

Continental Drift—Russell Banks
A Streetcar Named Desire—Tennessee Williams

The Painted Veil—W. Somerset Maugham
Purgatorio--Dante

pedln

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Thank you, Pat, for the list.  It's a big help.

Jonathan, I missed that aspect, too, of the book -- Mary Anne is doing this for Will.  Good point, JoanP.

 I remember Lorrie.  She also led  discussions on The Lovely Bones and The Ladies of Covington. Lovely lady, very strong woman.  Is it this book, bringing so many thoughts of those no longer with us?

Jonathan

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There is a sadness about the book. The Uncommon Reader chapter left me melancholy. I can take it on a conscious level, but my dreams were gloomy. There are so many curious corners of our nature that are looked into that one feels like going on. Even on something like how to read a book. Setting priorities like Mary Anne. Reading the ending first. After the third reference on page 150, I went back to the references on pages 17 and 124.

The first reference has Will saying: 'The great thing about knowing that my mother always read the end of books first was that I never had to worry about spoiling them.' Mary Anne replies vaguely that the characters may have wished for a different ending.

The second reference has Will asking his mother about her reaction to a terrifying tale. Was she surprised by the ending? 'Of course not - I'd read it first. I don't think I could have stood the suspense if I hadn't known what was going to happen. I'd have been too worried.'

And the third. Mary Anne says: 'I think it's much harder for me now to read silly things...If you read the ends first, you have much less patience for wasting time with that kind of book.'

Now, taken to a philosophical level, isn't it problematical that we are given life with no clue to its ending. Does anyone know a good fortune teller?

Jonathan

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I don't need a doctor, thank God. I saw my doctor this morning to hear the results of a blood test. Excellent, she told me. And I replied that keeps me on the roll since New Years. Dr C. found my eyes in good shape in January. A week later I aced my Senior Driving Test. In February Dr P. was pleased with the respiratory test and told me to enjoy life. My car passed its emissions test. And my blood is coursing through my veins like it's in the fast lane. Come to think of it...there was no one reading in the busy waiting room. I certainly didn't want to be seen reading my book!!

JoanP

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Congratulations for ace-ing all those tests, Jonathan!  You go right to the top of the class -  the honor roll!

Just today at lunch, Bruce and I were having this philosophical discussion (for us) - about how we'd like a quick glimpse into the future, just a peek - so we'd know how to handle a situation.  That's akin to reading the end of a book first, isn't it?

Jonathan, taken together, those are sad observations, aren't they? Do you detect a change in Mary Anne?  I find myself empathizing with Will.  He's the one who is making these observations.  He's trying so hard to do the right thing, to follow all the suggestions about how to talk to his own mother.  This must hurt.  She's a little more difficult to get close to - to figure out how she is taking the situation.  About reading the end of books first, she always did that before, this isn't anything new...

And another thing - after reading their conversations, I find I'm thinking more about myself too - and how prepared I am  - to go.  I find myself sorting my books -  those I'll never read, too "silly" for the amount of time I might have left...


Aberlaine

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He never follows up, remembering the Etiquette of Illness suggestions.

I'm a little late with my comment since we've moved on to the next set of chapters, but I was struck by the suggestions in the Etiquette of Illness (p. 44):

1.  Ask "Do you want to talk about how you're feeling?" (Not how are you feeling?)
2.  Don't ask if there's anything you can do.  Suggest things, or if it's not intrusive, just do them.
3.  You don't have to talk all the time.  Sometimes just being there is enough.

I especially love the first suggestion.  It gives people the chance to say they don't want to talk.

JoanP

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Nancy - not only is Will picking up practical advice on how to talk to his mother, but we're learning a lot too, don't you think?
I like the third suggestion you posted - I always think I need to keep talking to fill silence and make conversation.

I came in just now to bring you today's entry in Daily Prayers for Daily Needs.  This is the one book that Mary Anne goes to - more than any other. Do you think she left it on the coffee table with a bookmark on the page she wanted Will to read?  I do.

Here's the entry for today. I'm really affected at the thought that these are the same pages that Mary Anne reflected over before she died.

Quote
“The circumstances of her life she could not alter, but she took them to the Lord, and handed them over into His management; and then she believed that He took it, and she left all the responsibility and the worry and anxiety with Him. As often as the anxieties returned she took them back; and the result was that, although the circumstances remained unchanged, her soul was kept in perfect peace in the midst of them. And the secret she found so effectual in her outward affairs, she found to be still more effectual in her inward ones, which were in truth even more utterly unmanageable. She abandoned her whole self to the Lord, with all that she was and all that she had; and, believing that He took that which she had committed to Him, she ceased to fret and worry, and her life became all sunshine in the gladness of belonging to Him. H. W. "

PatH

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Quote
"whatever seeming calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing. Could you, therefore, work miracles, you could not do more for yourself than by this thankful spirit; for it heals with a word speaking, and turns all that it touches into happiness."

The March 9 thought fits in neatly with the Buddhist prayer about protecting your own happiness--controlling your happiness by setting your own terms on it.
I'm seeing a pattern here--the quotes above and today's daily prayer.  These are lessons in setting your own parameters on your life.

pedln

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Quote
Now, taken to a philosophical level, isn't it problematical that we are given life with no clue to its ending. Does anyone know a good fortune teller?

Jonathan, do you really want one?  The end of life is more than death or dying.

 I’m reminded of Joseph Monniger’s book Eternal on the Water,  whose characters Cobb and Mary face a different end of life.  Mary knew she had Huntington’s Disease, but didn’t know when it was going to take over her life.  And then there is Alice, in Lisa Genova’s Still Alice, diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers, wondering when she will no longer know who she is.  Medical science is becoming more able to make predictions, but do we really want to know?


Twice now, Mary Anne has had good news from Dr O’Reilly.  No new tumors, some tumors have shrunk.  That’s wonderful news . More time.  But it won’t change the ending.

Nancy, it's good to see you here. Your comment is not late at all.

Jonathan, That's such a good feeling, to pass those tests.  Rejoice!

Closing words for March 11 – Daily Strength for Daily Needs

Quote
Now our wants and burdens leaving 
To His care who cares for all,   
Cease we fearing, cease we grieving,     
At His touch our burdens fall.


Jonathan

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Quotes: 'as often as the anxieties returned', 'her soul was kept in perfect peace'.

The book is certainly a good portrayal of the drama of life. I'm enjoying the quotes from Daily Strengths for Daily Needs. And so many had used the little book before Mary Anne received it from her Harvard friend. Most of us can benefit from the helpful words of encouragement. Every culture and belief system has its own variation.

I've always enjoyed S. T. Coleridge's discovery of peace in what he called 'reverential resignation', in his poem 'The Pains of Sleep'. Unable to sleep, 'My spirit I to Love compose,/ In humble trust mine eye-lids close,/ With reverential resignation,/ No wish  conceived, no thought exprest,/ Only a sense of supplication;/ A sense o'er all my soul imprest/ That I am weak, yet not unblest,/Since in me, round me, every where/Eternal Strength and Wisdom are.' 

That's put me to sleep many times. It works. I'm also impressed by the heathen Will's method. With anxieties keeping him awake, he writes them down on his ready paper on his bedside table, turns off the light to deal with  his problem in the morning. It seemed to work for him.

I like the thought that we should enjoy life the way we enjoy a mystery. Without spoilers, thank you.

JoanP

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Books, books, books are all centering on religion, the spiritual..the bond gets tighter. Do you think that Mary Anne is becoming more religious because of her illness?  What of Will?  Is their Bookclub making him more aware of his spiritual side or is he simply interested in his mother's state of mind that he enters into these conversations with her?  Did you notice him looking into her little Daily Needs book when she left the room?  This little book is not a Bookclub selection, is it?

This is included in the March 12 entry:
Quote
“There is a faith in God, and a clear perception of His will and designs, and providence, and glory, which gives to its possessor a confidence and patience and sweet composure, under every varied and troubling aspect ."
 

JoanP

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ps Did you notice Will taking in His parents' paintings, drawings AND "Mom and Dad's collection of pots by English and Japanese potters."

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

PatH

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Yes, I did notice, and I'm thinking what you're thinking.

PatH

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On a lighter note: at the end of "Uncommon Reader", Will imagines the grandchildren reading books that Mary Anne had loved.  One of these is Swallows and Amazons, by Arthur Ransome.  This is the first of a series of children's books about sailing, mostly set in the Lake District, but some in Scotland or other parts of England, and two in other parts of the world.

How I loved those books as a child!  I read and reread them, and they gave me a lifelong love for the mechanics of sailing.  I've reread them as an adult.  The stories are for children (good stories though), but the sailing is still excellent.

They made me really want to learn to sail small boats, but life intervened, and I never got a chance until 2004.  Then I took a Coast Guard course in theory, and shortly after a hands-on course in sailing on the Potomac River here, plus some lessons on the Charles River in Boston.

It was just in time, since I've gotten stiffer since, so it's too hard to do the rapid position shifts necessary.  But at least I got a taste of it, for which I'm very grateful.

pedln

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JoanP, I don't think Mary ANne is getting more religious because of her illness.  I think she has always found strength and comfort  in worship and prayer.  As for Will, he's not against it, it's just not for him.  He sees it's value for his mother.

I'm not sure I know what you are thinking, regarding the pots and paintings.

Will spoke of things relative,  like the story of the CIA man who spent over twenty years in a Chinese prison.  He thought he could tolerate a five year sentence. Then when he heard so many being sentenced to death, he thought he could tolerate a life sentence.  ANd Mary ANne thought she was luckier than Randy Pausch, the last lecturer who also had pancreatic cancer.  He wouldn't see his children grow up and he'd never know grandchildren.  Mary Anne thought "no new tumors would be great news."

Those examples remind me of another young man with pancreatic cancer, a boyhood member of my church, a radiologist with two young children who died at age 40. But before his death he gave a lecture to young people and church members and in it he told how much better his life became when he could go from two IV poles to one pole. That gave him the freedom to walk without assistance.

Quote
I cried because I had no shoes
Until a met a man who had no feet.

JoanP

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I've nothing to back up the feeling that Mary Anne is turning more to the spiritual in her reading, Pedln - you may be right in saying she has always turned to the spiritual for strength and comfort.  Maybe she wasn't in such need for comfort before this illness?  It seems that Will is giving her books to read that deal with illness and adversity.  Am I imagining that too?  Is he hoping to get her talking about how she's feeling - and her mental state.

(I can't say that I am interested in such books right now.) When in Vero Beach he picked up Brat Farrar, though.  I thought it a strange choice for him. It sounds like fun though- about murder, spies and life in a British country estate. But why did Will choose this book to share with his mother?

 The author, Josephine Tey, had died of cancer shortly after she wrote this book. Maybe she reminds him of his mother- who is able to concentrate on her current project, because she has taken care of important matters before getting sick. This was a wake-up call to me - the way everything was in order - the living wills, all the legal paperwork.  I need to approach my lawyer husband about this.  I think he thinks we've got years before we need to think of these things...are you as prepared as the Schwalbes?

Wouldn't it be nice to have everything in order like that? Mary Anne is free to focus on her project - building that library in Afghanistan. I'd love to know what's going on there today, wouldn't you?

ps - about the Schwalbes' collection of little Japanese and English ceramic pots. We just finished reading The Hare with Amber Eyes by Edmund de Waal, who is a famous English ceramicist, who studied in Japan. His little pots are much sought after by collectors. Could it be?

PatH

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Whether or not Mary Anne is turning more to the spiritual, she is definitely gently nudging her son.  It's having a slight effect, too; he's now praying for her.

Will picked up Brat Farrar because it was a "staff recommends" book, which the family took seriously.  Then after Will read and liked it, Mary Anne read it.

IMHO, this is Josephine Tey's best book, and definitely something you want to read straight through, as Will did.  The protagonist is involved in a scam, pretending to be the missing heir to an estate, who disappeared at age 13, leaving a cryptic note.  He gets more and more bound up in trying to figure out what the boy was really like, and what happened to him, and there is mystery and suspense.

Why does Mary Anne think it’s silly?  Maybe because all the characters are obsessed with horses—the right way to train them, the proper manners to use riding them, their personalities, etc.  This isn’t frivolous; they are keeping the place solvent by training and breeding the horses, but if you aren’t willing to take their obsession seriously, you would find them silly.

I'd hate to lose the pleasure of suspense by reading the ending first, but I've reread the book with pleasure, so it still has merit when the suspense is gone.

pedln

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What about those pots -- it sounds like too much of a coincidence .  Some must be de Wall's. (I've just tweeted Will, to ask.  He might answer.)

Are all of you finding books to add to your TBR list?  My bridge foursome has all read this book. And one checked out Brat Farrar right  away, and now is reading Sweet Tooth by Ian McEwan. I'm going to add Brat Farrar to my list, have never read any Josephine Tey. I'll skip the McEwan. I really didn't care for his Atonement, and am not enamoured with On Chesil Beach, which I started because of Will's prompting.

I will add Brooks' People of the Book, another book where Will and Mary Anne don't see eye to eye .
 Will: "I felt quite a lot of sympathy for Hannah's mom."
MA: "I didn't.  .  .   . That's really not a good excuse for not being kind."

Mary Anne has much to say about kindness and it come's out in more than one chapter.

"I think everyone needs to be kind.  .  .  .That's partly why I like Dr. O'Reilly so much more than  the first oncologist I saw -- not because she's a woman, but because she's kind.  .   .  . You can be gruff or abrupt and still be kind.  Kindness has much more to do with what you do than how  you do it.  .  .  I didn't have sympathy for Hanna's mother.  She was a doctor and a mother and she wasn't kind."

PatH

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We discussed People of the Book here.  I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it.

JoanP

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Oh I agree, Pat - People of the Book is not to be missed! Do you really think Mary Anne Schwalbe didn't like the book?  Simply because she didn't like the mother - who really had such a minor role in the story!
I had made up my mind to skip the Josephine Tey book after reading of Mary Anne's reaction to it.  She didn't like it because she didn't like the characters, I thought.  Couldn't relate to any of them.  The Wodehouse on the other hand is "fun" - meaning, she liked the characters.  When there is not much time left, you really don't want to spend your time with people you don't like, I guess.  And this from a woman who likes about everyone she meets!  Besides the horses, did you see anything not to like in Tey's characters?

Pedln, I've Sweet Tooth here - ready to go.  Will let you know how it compares to Atonement, although I've heard the endings compared.   No, I won't read the ending first, just to see if I'll like the beginning. :D

That's exciting - maybe you will hear back from Will!  I noticed de Waal's quote on the back of The End of Your Life bookjacket.  It made me wonder if Will mentioned the ceramic pots because he knew de Waal.  Please tell me it wasn't because they share the same publisher.  I'd rather believe Will's parents had collected de Waal's pots long before the diagnosis and Will's book!

In case you don't have the book jacket, here's what de Waal had to say:

"I was so moved by this marvelous book. Schwalbe has done something extraordinary: made a personal journey public in the most engaging, funny,  and revealing way possible. It is a true meditation on what books can do."  Edmund de Waal, author of The Hare with Amber Eyes

Jonathan

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'besides the horses'

I'll suggest that Mary Anne didn't like the imposter in the Tey book, trying so hard to be truthful herself. And she has been religious all her life. Will makes certain that we know that her feeling have always been in that direction. Her present circumstances have only intensified her feelings. When she was young she would write from London to a friend:
'...and I've been going to church regularly on Sundays, because the services are so beautiful, and the choirs are so well trained, and there is a real peace and quiet about it.' p122

Can you imagine what it took to write this book?

mabel1015j

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Can you give us a link to "People of the Book" discussion. I'd be very interested to see what you folks had to say about it.

Jean

JoanP

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There you are, Jean!  Hope you are catching up. I've been looking forward to your impressions of Will Schwalbe's book and his amazing mother.
Have you read The People of the Book?  We had a really good discussion of that one in 2009. Here's a link to the entire archived discussion.  I see  old friends in that discussion who are no longer with us - Babi, Gumtree, Charlie - soreley missed, but their words live on in our archives.

http://seniorlearn.org/forum/index.php?topic=680.0


Quote
What is your notion of courage?

I just finished The Painted Veil chapter - and wonder how long it's been since I read any of Somerset Vaughn's novels.  THe Painted Veil was chosen for the book club - because it was about doctors - and because Will is trying to get his mother to talk to him about  her courage - and where she gets it from.  The question above - when considering my own notiion of courage - has me comparing my own life with Mary Anne's.  If this was fiction, it would be a whole different matter.  The woman is bigger than life.   After reading this chapter, I am so intimidated by her energy and her...charity.  Maybe that was Mary Anne Schwalbe's very special gift - she was  an inspiration to all she came into contact with.  I find myself pondering - is it too late to do something more than I'm doing now?

Did you notice -  the Harvard friend who gave her the Daily Prayers/Daily Needs book - was the same perosn who donated a million dollars to building the Afghanistan library!  Honestly, this is not fiction! I  really want to know what's going on with that library today.